With Just A Hint Of Mayhem

Music trivia, useless info, extra added random stuff and the odd rant from me

“And everywhere I look there’s a devil waiting” March 27, 2014

5124382-3x2-940x627Now the North Korean authorities have decreed that everyone must get a hair cut exactly like their supreme leader Kim Jong-Un, (Actually just male undergradutes to begin with). Really? I know it might sound a little rich coming from a bald bloke like me, but Mr Jong-Un has a shit haircut doesn’t he? Will North Korean women also have to have the same haircut too?

Imagine if every country had that rule I would have worn a wig for years, including a Thatcher syrup (that’s cockney rhyming slang for the benefit of my overseas readers). Nowadays I’d have to seek out a nondescript Cameron cut.

Anyway let’s celebrate this ridiculous news with a haircut themed post. While you are listening click here to read the story on the BBC site.


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“Most of these new singers sound like rabbits trying to mate” January 15, 2012

I was picking random pages in a big joke book earlier today and I chanced upon a list of supposedly real country music song titles. There are some real corkers out there although I can’t find some of them on-line and some of them are clearly parodies, surely! I have picked out five of the best for your amusement. I think my favourite is “I’d Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing” I’d love to know if you have any that don’t feature on the list below the videos. I borrowed the list from bored.com

The List (click here to visit bored.com for the full list)

All I Want From You (Is Away)
All My Exes Live In Texas
All the Guys that Turn Me On Turn Me Down
Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?
Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus?
Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord?
At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump
Bubba Shot The Jukebox
Bubba’s Inconvenience Store
Can’t Get Over You, So Why Don’t You Get Under Me?
Cow Cow Boogie (Moo Moo My Love)
Cow Cow Strut
Did I Shave my Legs for This?

Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears

Come out of the Wheatfield Nellie, You’re Going Against the Grain
Do You Love As Good As You Look?
Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?
Don’t Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You.
Don’t Chop Any Wood Mother, I’m Comin’ in With a Load!
Don’t Come Home a-Drinkin’ With Lovin’ on Yo-mind
Don’t Give Me A Plastic Saddle ‘Cuz I Want To Feel That Leather When I Ride
Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
Don’t Squeeze My Sharmon.
Don’t Strike A Match (To The Book Of Love)
Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through The Goal Posts Of Life.)
Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Get Off the Table, Mabel (The Two Dollars is for the Beer)
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye.
Git Up Off’n the Floor Hannah (a Bitter New Year’s Eve)
Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart.
Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except For Mine
Heaven’s Just A Sin Away.
Her Body Couldn’t Keep You Off My Mind.
Her Cheatin’ Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me
Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.
Here’s A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
High Cost of Low Living
Hold On To Your Men..’Cause She’s Single Again
How Can A Whiskey That’s 6 Years Old Whup A Man That’s 33?
How Can I Get Over You if You Won’t Get Out from Under Me?
How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I’ve Been A Liar All My Life?
How Come Your Dog Don’t Bite Nobody But Me?
I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral.
I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
I Can’t Get Over You, So Why Don’t You Get Under Me?
I Can’t Pass the Bar, and There’s One on my Way Home
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life.
I Don’t Care if it Rains or Freezes ‘Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus Sittin’ on the Dashboard of my Car
I Don’t Do Floors
I Don’t Know What Came Over Me (When I Came All Over You)
I Don’t Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy
I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
I Don’t Want Your Body If Your Heart’s Not In It.
I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me.
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade
I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger
I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2.
I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I’m Waitin In Your Welfare Line
I Got Through Everything But The Door
I Guess I Had Your Leavin’ Coming
I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine.
I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don’t Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal.
I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You.
I Knew I’d Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of You.
I Like Bananas Because They Have No Bones
I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain’t Used Up
I Meant Every Word That He Said.
I Only Miss You On The Days That End In ” Y ”
I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)
I Sent Her Artifical Flowers For Her Artificial Love
I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better.
I Wanna Whip Your Cow.
I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife‘s Heart
I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me
I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
I Wish I Were A Lesbian
I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)
I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She’s Out Of Town.
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn’t Spell Yuck!
I Would Kiss You Through the Screendoor but It’d Strain Our Love
I Wouldn’t Take You To A Dog Fight Even If I Thought You Could Win.
I’d Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy.
I’d Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
I’d Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You
If Drinkin’ Don’t Kill Me, Her Memory Will.
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I’d Find On You.
If I Ain’t Got It, You Don’t Need It.
If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
If I Had a Nose Full of Nickels, I’d Sneeze Them All Atchoo!
If I Had It To Do All Over Again, I’d Do It All Over You
If I Had My Life to Live Over, I’d Live Over a Delicatessen
If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now.
If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?
If I Were In Your Shoes, I’d Walk Right Back To Me
If I’d Killed You When I Wanted To, I’d be Out of Jail By Now
If It’s Got To Be Later, How ‘Bout Later Tonight?
If Love Were Oil, I’d Be A Quart Low.
If My Nose Was Running Money, Honey, I’d Blow It Al On You
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You
If She Hadn’t Been So Good Lookin’ I Might Have Seen the Train
If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I’ll Fall In Love.
If the Devil Danced in Empty Pockets, He’d Have a Ball in Mine
If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I’d Cry All Night Long.
If The Phone Don’t Ring, Baby, You’ll Know It’s Me
If Today Was A Fish, I’d Throw It Back In
If Whiskey Were A Woman, I’d Be Married For Sure.
If You Can’t Be Good, Be Bad With Me
If You Can’t Be Good, Son, Be Good At It
If You Can’t Bite, Don’t Growl.
If You Can’t Feel It (It Ain’t There).
If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead?
If You Don’t Leave Me Alone, I’ll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
If You Don’t Leave Me, I’ll Find Someone Who Will
If You Ever Get the Feelin’ I Don’t Love You, Feel Again.
If You Got the Money, Honey, I Got the Time
If You Leave Me I’m Gone
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
If You Really Loved Me, You’d Leave
If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife’s Heart
If You Want Your Freedom PDQ, Divorce Me COD
If You’re Gonna Do Him Wrong Again, You Might As Well Do Him Wrong Again With Me!
If You’re Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right
I’ll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him.
I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight.
I’ll Tennessee You In My Dreams
I’m Drinkin Christmas Dinner (All Alone This Year)
I’m Gettin’ Gray From Being Blue.
I’m Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home.
I’m Gonna Put a Bar in the Back of my Car and Drive Myself to Drink
I’m Havin’ Daydreams About Night Things In The Middle Of The Afternoon.
I’m Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail
I’m In Love With A Capital U
I’m Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life.
I’m Just an Old Chunk of Coal (But I’m Gonna be a Diamond Someday)
I’m Not Married But The Wife Is.
I’m Quittin’ Wild Turkey Cold Turkey
I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here.
I’m The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised.
I’m Under The Table Over You
Is It Cold in Here, or Is it Just You?
It Ain’t Easy Being Easy
It Ain’t Love But It Ain’t Bad.
It Don’t Feel Like Sinnin’ To Me.
It Only Takes One Bar (To Make A Prison)
It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long.
It Took a Helluva Man to Take my Anne, but it Sure Didn’t Take Him Long
It’s Not the High Cost of Living, It’s the Cost of Living High
I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart.
I’ve Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
I’ve Got $5 And It’s Saturday Night
I’ve Got a Cowboy In The Saddle, and Another One’s Holding My Horse
I’ve Got Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat!
I’ve Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies And I’m Blue All The Time.
I’ve Got Tears In My Eyes From Lying On My Back In My Bed While I Cry Over You.
I’ve Got the Cob, If You’ve Got the Corn
I’ve Got The Hungries For Your Love And I’m Waiting In Your Welfare Line
I’ve Heard that Tear Stained Monologue You Do There by the Door Before You Go
Jeremiah Peabody’s Polyunsaturated Quick Dissolving Fast Acting Pleasant Tasting Green and Purple Pills
Jesus Loves Me But He Can’t Stand You
Jim, I Wore A Tie Today
Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl,
Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You
Last Night I Went to Bed with a “10” and Woke this Morning with a “2”
Lay Something On My Bed Besides A Blanket
Learning To Live Again Without You Is Killing Me.
Legendary Chicken Fairy
Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
Make Me Late For Work Today.
Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head).
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose.
Meet Me In the Gravel Pit, Honey, Cuz I’m a Little Boulder There
Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic.
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don’t Love Jesus.
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
My Lips Want to Stay (But My Heart Wants to Go)
My Phone Ain’t Been Ringing, so I Guess it Wasn’t You
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him.
Nashville Rash
Ned Nostril (and his South Seas Paradise, Put Your Blues on Ice, Cheap at Twice the Price Band, Icky Icky Ucky Ucky)
No Way, Conway (I Ain’t Gonna Twitty Tonight)
Occasional Wife
Oh, I’ve Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
Oh, Lord! It’s Hard To Be Humble When You’re Perfect In Every Way.
Our Love is Illegal, Cause Our Names Ain’t the Same
Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed.
Overlonely and Underkissed
Pardon Me, I’ve Been Pardoned
Pardon Me, I’ve Got Someone To Kill.
Phantom Of The Opry
Pick Me Up On Your Way Down
Pick Me Up Or Let Me Down
Please Bypass This Heart.
Poultry Promenade
Queen Of My Double-Wide Trailer
Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer
Redneck Martians Stole My Baby
Refried Dreams
Run for the Roundhouse Nellie (He Can’t Corner You There)
Saddle Up the Stove Ma, I’m Riding the Range Tonight
She Broke My Heart, I Broke Her Jaw
She Can Put Her Shoes Under My Bed Anytime
She Feels Like A New Man Tonight.
She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft.
She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
She Looks Good Through the Bottom of My Shot Glass
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night It Was Honor and Offer
She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy
She Walked Across My Heart Like It Was Texas
She’s Actin’ Single….. I’m Drinkin’ Doubles
She’s Got Freckles On Her, But She’s Pretty.
She’s Got the Rhythm (And I Got the Blues)
She’s Out Doing What I’m Here Doing Without.
Slap ‘Er Down Again Paw
Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better
Swing Wide Your Gate Of Love.
Tennis Must Be Your Racket ‘Cause Love Means Nothin’ To You.
Thank God And Greyhound She’s Gone.
Thanks To The Cathouse, I’m In The Doghouse With You
The Alcohall of Fame
The Bridge Washed Out and I Can’t Swim and My Baby’s On the Other Side
The Last Word In Lonesome Is “Me”.
The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)
The Old Home Fill ‘er Up and Keep On Truckin’ Cafe”
The Pint Of No Return.
There Ain’t Enough Room in my Fruit Of The Looms to Hold All My Lovin’ For You
There Ain’t No Waste In My Baby’s Love Canal.
There’s A Tear In My Beer
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can’t Stop My Face From Breakin’ Out.
This Good Girl’s Gonna Go Bad
This White Circle on My Finger Means We’re Through
Tight Fittin’ Jeans
Timber… I’m Fallin In Love
Touch Me With More Than Your Hands.
Trainwreck Of Emotion
Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart.
Waitin’ In Your Welfare Line
Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I’ll Think You’re Walking In
Warm Beer and Cold Kisses
Warm Beer Cold Women
We Used To Kiss On The Lips, But It’s All Over Now
Welcome to Dumpsville, Population Me
What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made A Loser Out Of Me).
When the Lightning Struck the Coon Creek Party Line
When We Get Back To the Farm (That’s When We Really Go To Town).
When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I’ll Think You’re Walking In
When You Wrapped My Lunch in a Road Map, I Knew You Meant Good-Bye
Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
Who’s Gonna Mow Your Grass?
Who’s Gonna Take The Garbage Out When I’m Dead And Gone?
Who’s Makin’ Time with the Time Keeper’s Daughter, when the Time Keeper’s Keepin’ Time?
Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?
Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw
Why Have You Left the One You Left Me For?
Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?
Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win
Yard Sale
You Ain’t Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin’
You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Hound Dog (‘s Leavins’)
You Ain’t Woman Enough To Take My Man
You Can Lock Me Up in Jail & Throw Away the Key, But You Can’t Keep My Face from Breaking Out
You Can’t Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play.
You Can’t Have Your Kate And Edith Too.
You Can’t Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd.
You Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to Blue
You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat)
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
You Goodbye
You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me.
You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
You’d think my Bed was a Bus Stop, the Way You Come and Go
Your Negligee Has Turned To Flannel Nightgowns
Your Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Banister Of Life.
You’re A Cross I Can’t Bear.
You’re a Hard Dog To Keep Under The Porch
You’re Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation
You’re Out Of Step (With The Beat Of My Heart)
You’re Ruining My Bad Reputation.
You’re The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can’t Bite You Off
You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
You’re The Ring Around My Bathtub, You’re The Hangnail Of My Life
You’ve Already Put Big Old Tears In My Eyes, Must You Throw Dirt In My Face?
You’ve Got Sawdust On The Floor Of Your Heart


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