Another Award? Most dangerous celebrity? I’ll take it!
According to the security software company McAfee Cheryl Fernandez-Versini/ Cheryl Cole/ Cheryl Tweedy is the most dangerous celebrity on-line. Given the musical turds she plops out on a regular basis I’m not surprised. However the dangerous element apparently has nothing to do with her music but relates to the amount of viruses and malicious software that hackers put into links loaded with a Cheryl bait. This might be the offer of nude pictures, free video or free MP3 music files. Frankly anyone downloading her music, given that the taste police don’t really exist, deserves all they get. Those of you who have arrived here looking for that kind of thing will be sorely disappointed however I’m sure that feasting your eyes on Cheryl’s tattooed bum (that’ll be ass for my readers from across the big pond) will help you through that and enable you to exercise your right hand too. Incidentally does anyone in the US know who Cheryl is?
Second and third on the list of the most dangerous celebrities were Daniel Radcliffe and Jessie J. All five members of Wand Erection are in the top 20 individually as well. Here is the top ten. Interestingly this blog once undertook an experiment about the woman at number 9, to study how many people arrived here after searching for Lily Allen Naked; there were thousands of you!
Geri meets 3 of the 393 people that bought her new single
Once upon a time she was one fifth of the pop world conquering Spice Girls who sold their songs by the Starship load. Nowadays Geri Halliwell a.k.a. Ginger Spice is selling barely enough CDs (ok I recognise that many are probably downloads these days) for one person to carry. Geri’s new single in Australia, “Half Of Me” sold just 393 copies in its first week. To be fair that is probably 392 more than perhaps a new Victoria Beckham single would sell.
Geri celebrates after the first six copies of her new single had been sold
Anyway it seems that Geri is taking it reasonably well. She decided not to perform the song on the Australia’s Got Talent Final TV show. Instead she performed a version of the Spice Girls first hit “Wannabe”. She admitted that deep down she was gutted. In contrast the Australian number one single, “Alive” by Aussie X Factor winner Dami Im sold 44,000 in the same period. Click here to read the story on the BBC.
Geri spends all the profits from the sales of her new single on a cab ride across the road
It’s clearly a long way from those heady days of her early solo career where she achieved four UK number ones; “Mi Chico Latino“, “Lift Me Up”, “Bag It Up” and an atrocious cover version (in my opinion) of the Weather Girls disco classic “It’s Raining Men“. The latter was also number one in Belgium, France, Ireland and Italy. She has never had an Australian number one solo single though and with “Half Of Me” only making it to number 281 that seems unlikely to change. Her biggest solo hit in the land down under was her first single “Look At Me” which made it to number 3 in 1999. Should we start a campaign to have “Half Of Me” adopted as the anti X Factor Christmas number 1 in the UK this year? No I didn’t think you’d go for that either!
I’m sure that you couldn’t make this up could you? Anyway the Merchant Navy are using Britney Spears’ music to deter Somali sea Pirates. If the pirates fail to heed the warnings from security on board merchant ships off the African coast and continue to head towards them then Plan B is invoked. Or perhaps that should be Plan Britney. They pump out Britney’s biggest hits at full volume and miraculously the pirates usually turn away.
The pirates supposedly hate western culture and music so the music of Britney is perfect. I suppose that using Bieber, Cheryl Cole or One Direction would be like using the nuclear option on the pirates. How stupid are these half-witted Jack Sparrows though? I mean have they never heard of ear plugs? Or maybe they could counter attack with the Barney the Dinosaur, Teletubbies or Mr Blobby themes. Click here to read the story on the Guardian’s web pages.
Last Wednesday I went to see an act that has been around for thirty years. I had been conscious of them but never really aware of what they were. My interest was raised when my good friend John Williams (not the composer or the classical guitarist but a better bloke altogether) sent me a clip of this act from YouTube. I came close to wetting myself while watching it. The act was Fascinating Aida and that clip was for their excellent take on budget airlines “Cheap Flights“. If you have never seen them live or on-line the best way I could describe them would be a satirical, singing cabaret ensemble who are also bloody hilarious!
They kicked off their show with a superb song attacking the banking and big business fraternity which made an excellent acronym from their ‘Companies Using Nifty Taxation Schemes’ I’ll let you guess the actual acronym. They included their biggest internet hits; the aforementioned “Cheap Flights” and the not to be missed “Dogging”. You don’t know what dogging is? I suggest you ask your parents or maybe Stan Collymore.
The group managed to take a dig at so many people in such a short space of time including Tom Cruise, Pamela Anderson, U2, the Germans and many politicians to but a few. In fact their Belgian Song Cycle (at least I think that is what it was called) contained many of these put downs. As a result of that song cycle I will never be able to look at Cheryl Cole again without thinking ladyboy!
Their show is also very topical and referred amusingly to the austerity protests in Europe earlier in the week. These are three very talented women who I would like to thank very much for a hilarious evening out with Catwoman, Caron and John. So Dillie, Adele and Liza we loved your show and we would be delighted to see you again sometime. I would also advise any of my readers who have never seen Fascinating Aida on-line or in concert to check them out immediately!
Robbie is in the news a lot lately isn’t he? Many of you know that I really don’t have much time for Mr Williams from Stoke. That will probably always stay true. However I would like to congratulate him on becoming a Dad and to wish him, his wife and little Theodora all the best. I am also really concerned that I really like his new song “Candy” which he co-wrote with Gary Barlow. I think I must be getting ill, there is no other explanation about why I would like this Robbie song surely. It is a bit of an earworm though.
But to counter all that Robbie has been doing the promo rounds for the new single and forthcoming album. On one breakfast TV appearance in the UK he apparently suggested that he would like a knighthood. I can only assume that this desire follows Gary Barlow’s recent royal award and promotion to national treasure. Will Robbie ever get that knighthood? probably! Will he ever be a proper national treasure? With Gary Barlow and Cheryl Cole are already in the role I seriously doubt it! What do you think?
And finally for the record I haven’t mellowed too much because I still believe that “Angels” ranks among one of the worst songs ever released!
Regular readers will have noticed quite a few sports related posts on this blog recently, largely related to the London Olympics of course. However this is also a sports related post, but it doesn’t relate to the Olympics. I took part in the York 10 k Jane Tomlinson race this morning. Well I say race, but for me it was just a personal challenge. Many years ago I was doing two half marathons a year, many with my good friend Al Sloman. I also ran the 1986 London Marathon with Al, who is a blind runner. My last half marathon was in Wycombe in 1995 and I have now completed the York 10k three times. I did the Leeds 10k and Hull 10k last year too. Having done far less training than I had hoped and being somewhat porky at the moment I set myself a target of between 80 and 90 minutes. I was incredibly pleased to have finished with an official time of just over 68 minutes and I didn’t walk any of it! I also have a nice red t-shirt and a medal sponsored by the UK arm of Wal-Mart; Asda.
Howard Webb dresses for charity for the York 10K (or perhaps not!)
Clearly my performance wouldn’t have brought me even close to Mo Farah, but then I am considerably older than him! He probably had a better build up too. I arrived at the start at 8.20 (for a 9.00 start) with Catwoman, who was my chauffeur, coach and supporter for the day. I have a bladder that is smaller than a gnat’s eyeball so obviously I needed to empty it. The queue for the chemical portaloos was immense, but having joined it I wasn’t budging. So I was actually in full bladder emptying mode when the race started. But given I was always going to start with the less fast runners I still had plenty of time to join the slow pack. It took me 12 minutes from the starting whistle to cross the start line. Why was it a whistle and not a pistol? Well it was started by world-class football referee Howard Webb.
As is the norm the “Theme From Chariots Of Fire” was played before the race along with the British national anthem. Music can be inspirational so just how disappointed do you think I was when the PA was blasting out Cheryl Cole‘s “Fight For This Love” when I eventually crossed the start line. To make matters even worse that same slice of Cheryl’s special brand of crap pop was playing again! So as this is a music blog I will spare you anything by Cheryl and let you enjoy a few of running related songs and a song about Cheryl Cole née Tweedy.
Many of you will already know that the NME celebrates its 60th birthday this year. It was first published in March of 1952, it was later that year that it also published the first ever UK singles chart based on sales. That was in November 1952 and featured Al Martino‘s “Here In My Heart” at number one.
As part of their birthday celebrations the NME has published a list of the top 100 songs since the paper has been around. I’m sure that there will be plenty of debate about what is in and what isn’t in the list. I was particularly surprised that there are no songs from the 50’s included. How about Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel” that was pretty damned ground breaking. Incidentally the spread of songs from the other periods are;
60s = 22
70s = 16
80s = 19
90s = 19
00s/ 10s = 24
Why not cast your vote in my favourite decade poll below 🙂
My favourite song of all time; Bob Marley’s “No Woman No Cry” reaches number 86 and Mr Bowie has “Space Oddity” at number 39 and another song in the top 5 (more of that one later). The Beatles have three entries in the top 100. Thankfully Westlife, Cheryl Cole and their ilk are nowhere to be seen in this list.
So without further ado and in traditional reverse order here is the top 5;
Girls Aloud will be reforming for a tour in 2013, to celebrate their 10th anniversary. Reforming? I wasn’t aware that they had broken up. I can’t say I am particularly excited by the prospect of the girls treading the boards again, are you? Well at least it is moderately better than those talentless morons Westlife. Clearly none of the girls off of Girls Aloud have set the world alight with their solo careers, so I think we can assume the ‘reunion’ is for money.
Nadine Coyle broke the news a couple of days ago. I suppose it will enable the nation’s sweetheart Cheryl to restart her career after the atrocious output from her solo albums and the X Factor US judging debacle. Hopefully Sarah Harding will be out of rehab too. Personally I reckon Nicola Roberts should stay away. Her first solo album was excellent, surely she doesn’t need the rest of them. So what do you think of the Girls Aloud reunion?
The girls as they might appear on their 40th anniversary tour.
Just a few random things heading your way for this post. Let’s start with the sale of an iconic item of Michael Jackson’s clothing, it’s the jacket that he wore in the “Thriller” video. It sold recently for £1.1m in an auction in Beverley Hills. It was bought by an US Commodities Trader who plans to use it to raise money for children’s charities. Given the many allegations made against Jacko the use of his old clothes in that way does seem somewhat appropriate, doesn’t it? Click here to read the story on the BBC.
Lady Gaga is being sued in the USA for allegedly pocketing far more money than is appropriate in the sale of her Japan Earthquake Relief wristbands. The lawsuit, in which she is being sued for more than £3m, alleges that the wristbands are sold for $5 each and include shipping and tax costs meaning less than 10% would reach its beneficiaries. But obviously we don’t know how much of the detail Gaga herself is aware of, so watch this space and click here to read the story on the NME site.
Madonna will soon feature in a comic in the US. It will be in Bluewater Productions ‘Female Force’ series of comics. It’s hardly Batman or the Fantastic Four is it? Even more so when you consider that some of the other women to have featured to date are; Michelle Obama, Sarah Palin and Margaret Thatcher. I suppose that the latter two could almost pass as super villains though. Even though I have a large collection of comics I think it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be buying the Amazing Adventures Of Madge.
To coincide with the release of the new Muppets movie later this year a number of rock acts have recorded cover versions of many Muppet numbers. Amy Lee off of Evanescence has recorded one of my favourite Muppet songs, “Halfway Down The Stairs” originally sung by Kermit’s nephew Robin. Weezer and Hayley Williams off of Paramore have covered “Rainbow Connection”. Other artists recording songs for the album are; Alkaline Trio, My Morning Jacket, Airborne Toxic Event and OK Go.
It's a tragedy that Gaga has not been allowed to record a Muppet song, especially after she murdered so many of Kermit's relatives to make her dress.
Did you see any of the Glasto coverage? I thought the BBC did a great job with it, although I didn’t see the Wombles anywhere! As for the headliners; I thought U2 were ok, Coldplay were bloody good and Beyoncé was truly amazing. She even managed to cover Eurythmics, Alanis Morrisette, Prince and the Kings Of Leon. despite the rumours that her man Jay Z would join her on stage, he didn’t, but she did a rather interesting duet with Tricky. My main thought as I watched her was how little talent the likes of Cheryl Cole actually have.
I’m loving the new Eminem video for “Space Bound”, what do you think of it? It does contain the usual element of controversy from Mr Mathers. This time gun related. But I really believe the man is on top form.
Gaga just get's everywhere doesn't she?
And finally would you like your girlfriend, wife or partner to wear knickers with a picture of Thom Yorke on them? personally I wouldn’t, but if you’re that way inclined you can actually buy them. Has anyone reading this purchased any of them? Click here to see for yourself.
Dizzee enjoyed dressing as an 18th Century poet whilst promenading with a powerful female. Thatcher hasnt aged well has she?
Hello people, I have some assorted bits of music related news for you in todays post. Some old, some new and some strange. Beginning with Dizzee Rascal, who according to the UK tabloid press has an addiction. But not to drugs, drink, sex or gambling, but to 18th century poets. He is very much into his Wordsworth, Byron, Blake and Keats. Mr Rascal, formerly known as Dylan Mills, is hoping that classical English poetry will have an influence on his next album. Sounds interesting doesn’t it? Read about it here in the soaraway Sun and be careful your phone isn’t tapped!
Simon makes one last appearance on Page Three before he departs for the USA
Most of you probably know that Simon Cowell will be leaving the UK version of X Factor to launch and take part in the US version. It still seems most likely that he will take Cheryl Cole with him, providing the Americans can understand her one assumes. My only wish is that the opportunity is taken to get rid of Louis Walsh. What do you think and also who would your ideal fantasy X Factor judging panel consist of? My vote would be Lily Allen, Keith Richards, Jeremy Paxman and Nick Clegg. The latter choice is largely because there should always be one idiot on the panel and surely he will be out of a job soon won’t he?
Clearly Liam was buzzing about the new Beady Eye Bee Side
You’ve probably all heard of the post Oasis band Beady Eye, which is basically Oasis without Noel. I have listened to their album and it’s not bad, it’s hardly ‘Definitely Maybe’ or ‘Morning Glory’ but it’s ok. Anyway this isn’t a review but a rather strange piece of news about Liam Gallagher. According to a report in the NME (click here to read it) he likes to warm up before he goes on stage by listening to Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy”, let’s pray he doesn’t do a cover version of it! What song do you use to get pumped up before work? For me it’s often “Complete Control” by the Clash or “Do Anything You Wanna Do” by the Rods.
Billie Joe auditions for a part in the new version of Snow White
Tom Hanks is currently preparing to produce a film adaptation of Green Day’s ‘American Idiot’ album. The director is likely to be Michael Mayer who was the director for the ‘American Idiot’ Broadway musical. Could this be this generation’s ‘Tommy’? Only time will tell. Click here to read the NME report. What album would you like to see turned into a film? I would definitely vote for David Bowie’s ‘Diamond Dogs’
And finally how small do you think the world’s smallest working guitar actually is? Well you’re probably wrong. It is in fact no bigger than a human blood cell and obviously impossible to be played in a conventional way. It has to be played by having lasers directed at the strings. Read more about the Nano Guitar in the Guardian by clicking here.
With Just A Hint Of Mayhem 