So the big news for the year so far would seem to be that the Pope is retiring. It’s only a surprise because it hasn’t happened in nearly 600 years, but frankly isn’t he a bit of an old duffer to be holding such a big role? I mean he was 78 when he took the job on in 2005. I wonder why he chose to go now and did he pontificate much (did you see what I did there)? But clearly the world economy must be in a bad state when even God starts laying people off. Anyway if you are likely to be offended by an opinion of religion which may not be in support of the Pope or the Catholic Church I suggest you stop reading now. You have been warned!
the conspiracy theorists are probably going into overdrive as I type this; does it relate to unpaid subscriptions for his Hitler Youth membership. is he about to admit to kiddie fiddling with a choir boy or two? If so did he use a condom? The latter would probably be a bigger sin wouldn’t it? Does he feel guilty for the Vatican giving Scumbag Saville a papal knighthood? Is he in fact the Anti Christ or even worse a transvestite; the Aunty Christ anyone? Or is he about to give us the headline the world has waited for and never thought possible? I’m talking ‘POPE ELOPES’ folks.
I am also really surprised at the length of his notice period. He resigns on 11th February and his last day is 28th February. 17 days? My notice period is 4 weeks and I barely lead one and a half people let alone 1.2 billion. Will the new Pope Bloke be a radical reformer or just another old duffer in a funny hat? I’d like to think reformer, but it’ll be a duffer won’t it? But before I get to the music I’d like to float my conspiracy theory. I believe that Benedict is resigning because the end days of the Book of Revelations are upon us. The four Horseman of the Apocalypse have in fact arrived but somewhere the translation was incorrectly carried out. The Horsemen are in fact the four Horse Meat products; Ladies and gentlemen I give you Bad Burger, Bloody Evil Bolognese, Sinful Sausage and Lousy Lasagna. These are the true heralds of the apocalypse. As for the Anti Christ, that must be Sinead O’Connor right? If it is then she has my full support!