With Just A Hint Of Mayhem

Music trivia, useless info, extra added random stuff and the odd rant from me

“I’m high on the chart, I’m a tip for the top” March 24, 2015


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Back in the olden days a.k.a when I was somewhat younger than I am now the UK chart rundown show was on a Sunday. This is where it has remained for years. However now that there will be a unified release date for all music (presumably from all the major labels at least) the UK Chart Show on BBC Radio 1 will shortly be moving to the Friday drive time slot; 4pm to 6pm.

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That’s progress I suppose and that also raises the chance that I might listen to it again. I have fond memories of chart shows in the distant past. Sitting next to the radio taping your favourite songs and hoping that the first generation Smashie and Nicey characters didn’t talk over the intro or the fadeout. But one of my favourite things was the official announcement of the new chart on Radio 1 when it was on a Tuesday lunchtime. I always made sure that I had my transistor radio with me so that me and my mates at Bishopshalt School in Hillingdon could find out whether David Cassidy and the Osmonds were still clogging up the UK charts (they were), whether Slade had gone straight in at the top (they had) or whether Bowie would get his first number one single (yes but not until 1975 with a reissue of “Space Oddity“). Johnnie Walker was the bloke who usually read out the new chart on Tuesdays and he has always been one of my favourite broadcasters. He spoke over a chart music bed of the excellent “Time Is Tight” from Booker T and the MGs. Enjoy that tune now along with my favourite song about the charts; Pete Wingfield‘s superb “Eighteen With A Bullet” and a favourite of mine by the magnificent Mael Brothers a.k.a Sparks.

 

“I wanna know why you never look me in the face” October 14, 2011


I think I have come close to experiencing regret on two occasions and that is with the benefit of hindsight. Those two occasions occurred in the late 70s and both involved me turning down what would have been significant opportunities.

Firstly I was sitting in my local pub one evening in December 1976 (it was the now sadly departed Oak Tree in Hillingdon) when someone came in and offered tickets to see a band at Brunel University. It was a band that was causing quite a stir and I could have made it quite easily. But I decided that the pub would win that night. The band was the Sex Pistols!

Possibly the very ticket that I turned down!

Secondly I was on a lad’s holiday in Spain in 1977 (or it might have been 1978). We were staying maybe less than an hour’s drive from Barcelona. While we were there a now sadly late, great performer was playing a gig in the city. We asked our travel representative about getting tickets. He
said getting them was easy but that for a bunch of English blokes to turn up at a gig in Spain would incite the Spanish youth to violence. I now realise that this was probably complete bollocks and we should have gone to the show. That legendary, late, great performer was none other than Bob Marley.

So I have always felt that I have never regretted anything I have done in my life so far. I still believe that and I also feel that this is a good philosophy, however that doesn’t mean that you can’t be sorry about some things you have done, does it?

There were a couple of people at school that to be perfectly honest I treated in quite a mean and disrespectful way. With one of those people I simply followed the herd and behaved just like most other people in my school peer group. With the other person I made them look like a liar in order to save some teenage face. So there you have it, my teenage confessions of sorts. I would like to apologise to both of these people albeit so many years later, but I guess I am just salving my conscience. I thought long and hard about whether I should mention them by name and I personally feel that I should, I’m sure that the chances of them reading this is pretty remote anyway.

So at the risk of steering into Simon Mayo confession territory I would like to apologise unreservedly for my behaviour towards two people between 1972 and 1977 or thereabouts. Geoffrey Guile and Susan Batty this one’s for you! If I knew then what I know now then I would have behaved very differently.

 

“We don’t need no education, we dont need no thought control” December 14, 2010


Purely another opportunity for me to show this picture, nothing else!

December 14th. Are you getting excited yet? Maybe you will when you help me open todays little cardboard door on my UK Christmas Number Ones Advent Calendar. It’s a real doozie. It was number one at Christmas 1979 and stayed at the top for 5 weeks. It was the bands only official post Syd Barrett UK single as well. It was the mighty Pink Floyd with “Another Brick In the Wall – part 2” taken from the album ‘The Wall’ which was pretty close to a Roger Waters solo album, allegedly. In my opinion it is truly a brilliant album and to give the Floyd their only UK singles number one, well that is amazing!

This is certainly how I felt at school, how about you?

The song is a protest song against the rigid education system, mostly from a private schools perspective. But when I was was at school in the 70s I must admit it was a very rigid system, certainly in the sense that no one really explained what my purpose was. Why did I have to sit these exams, why did I have to go to 6th form and why was I supposed to go to University? At the time I never really understood and actually left school aged 16. I was however a little lucky as I went to Grammar School, this meant that I took (and passed) my ‘O’ Levels in Maths and English a year early! But after that I dropped out and bunked off most days. I managed to fail 7 ‘O’ Levels in the 5th Form, largely because I didn’t try and didn’t attend. However I was gutted that I failed Art as I really did turn up and put a lot of work into it! Anyway it’s all done now and luckily it did me no harm.

In the end I felt I was able to walk away from the mincer by leaving school at 16

In 1980 the apartheid regime banned the song in South Africa as it was used by people protesting against the racist education system. the Islington Green School Choir appeared on the song at the behest of producer Bob Ezrin. The school was not far from Britannia Studios where ‘The Wall’ was recorded. The song also hit the top of the US charts and was number one in many European countries as well.

As a footnote I just had to mention this. Many of you will be aware of the recent student riots in the UK in protest against University fees. Well it seems that Dave Gilmour’s son Charlie was a naughty boy during the protests. Well more of a total twat really, he swung off the flag on the Cenotaph thus denigrating the memories of millions of war dead. Charlie you twat! Anyway there was a letter to the Guardian today from a Mr Alan Cripps of London  and it goes like this ‘ David Gilmour‘s son In University fees protest? Surely he don’t need no education? Top man Mr Cripps, I loved that letter. Read the Charlie Gilmour story in the Guardian by clicking here.

 

“Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup” July 18, 2010


In spite of popular opinion it was now clear that Gary was even shorter than Mark. But now at least he’ll be able to stand on Robbie’s Rudebox

I’m not a big Robbie Williams fan as any regular readers will know, but I couldn’t let the news of him rejoining Take That go without a mention. So rather than simply just mention it I thought I’d have some fun with it. Back in my school days at Bishopshalt in the early 70s myself and a friend (stand up Chris Skinner!) often made up short paragraphs using song titles and some simple words to link them. So that is something I have done here to represent an imaginary conversation between Robbie and Take That. The twist is that Robbie is only allowed to speak using his own hits and Take That with theirs, titles are all in CAPS. Let me know what you think. By my count there should be 20 Robbie songs and 14 from Take That, I’d love to see your versions as well

After Robbie had left the band the cheap arse tattoos didn’t seem such a good idea, for a period they were known as TAKE THA, what a bummer!

Robbie said to Take That “I was MISUNDERSTOOD and I said SOMETHIN’ STUPID. I want to make SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL with you so shine a LOVELIGHT on my RUDEBOX and let’s get SEXED UP.”

The Take That boys replied “SURE, BABE let’s have some PATIENCE and PRAY that you can SHINE and RELIGHT MY FIRE. Let’s sit down and write A MILLION LOVE SONGS, IT ONLY TAKES A MINUTE doesn’t it?

The boys were upset that Robbie hadn’t mentioned his sex change to them before he rejoined

“Ok let’s get some ADVERTISING SPACE” said Robbie. “We’ll have some LAZY DAYS TRIPPING with the KIDS. I’ll be OLD BEFORE I DIE and go to meet the ANGELS. I’ll give up my FREEDOM and be STRONG and I won’t COME UNDONE. I FEEL NO REGRETS so let’s go on the RADIO and become the SUPREME ROCK DJs of the MILLENNIUM

Take That finished by saying “NEVER FORGET that EVERYTHING CHANGES and you’re BACK FOR GOOD. COULD IT BE MAGIC? We don’t know, but it is our GREATEST DAY so let’s go and RULE THE WORLD

Robbie would remain eternally grateful that the rest of the boys had rescued his drowning career

Let me close with a conspiracy theory, because I know you love them! The lyrics to Back For Good were written by Gary Barlow. The question is though were they written about Robbie, especially the line about a lipstick mark on a coffee cup. Was Gary having an affair with a cross dressing Robbie? I think the world needs to know. (Please note that this last part is complete garbage that I just made up for fun, but even with this statement I suspect someone out there might actually believe it!)

 

 
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