Tag Archives: Jordan

“The Charts? Legit. Either work hard or you might as well quit”


This post comes with a strong health warning attached, it contains some seriously CRAP songs!

Last month the AOL Radio Blog published their list of the 100 Worst Songs Ever, obviously this has caused a massive amount of debate. It is all based on opinion after all and there are definitely some entries I don’t agree with. Personally I would have liked to have seen many of Robbie Williams’ songs in there. Click here to see the whole list and if you can’t be bothered I have repeated the top 10 below. I would love to know what your worst songs ever are too? Use the comments function to let me and all the other readers know your choices.

1 “(It’s Time To) Beat Dat Beat” DJ Pauly D – I must confess until I came upon this list I had never heard of this song. Basically this guy seems to be a product of the ‘Jersey Shore’ TV show from the US. Well let’s face it, TV spin offs are often rubbish aren’t they and this is no exception, although I’m not sure it should be in the top ten, there are far worse songs out there. Just picture Anita Dobson singing “Anyone Can Fall In Love” to the Eastenders theme tune or Nick Berry (also off of Eastenders) with “Every Loser Wins“. I wonder what Brian May thought of Anita’s song?

2 “Who Let The Dogs Out?” Baha Men – I certainly agree with this one being in the list, I really dislike this song. Apparently when Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice went into the players lounge at Old Trafford on one occasion when Goldenballs was still at Manchester United she and her entourage sang this to Jordan who was there because she was dating Andy Cole at the time. I’m not sure what Jordan responded with, but perhaps a mention of the fact that Posh Victoria is the only Spice Girl that has never had a solo number one in the UK would have been good!

3 “Ice Ice BabyVanilla Ice– So Ice always claimed that the bass line in this awful song was never ripped off from Bowie and Queen’s “Under Pressure”, does he think we’re stupid? This is the song which could have been the still birth of white rap, thankfully it wasn’t and Eminem rectified the crap that Vanilla Ice put out. Appropriately enough this was recently covered by the equally talentless X Factor pop muppets, Jedward and Vanilla Ice actually guested on it!That surely is some bad Karma isn’t it?

4 “She BangsRicky Martin – I don’t thing I really agree with this one being here. It’s not my favourite song, nor is it as good as “Living La Vida Loca” but it’s ok. Ricky came to prominence as part of a Puerto Rican Boy Band, Menudo. Their policy was to replace the boys in the band when one of the following event’s happened; 1) Their voice broke, 2) They became too tall or 3) they reached the age of 16. As far as I know Ricky is the only Menudo old boy to achieve such massive success.

5 “Barbie Girl” – Aqua – Does anyone like this song? It’s awful and frankly somewhat pervy in places too. Mattel, who own the rights to Barbie took Aqua and MCA Records to court claiming that the song infringed their copyright and turned Barbie into a sex object. The song’s lyrics refer to Barbie as a ‘blonde bimbo’. Mattel lost the case as the song was deemed to be a genuine parody. The song topped the chart in at least 13 countries worldwide and even made it into the US top 10.

6 “U Can’t Touch This” MC Hammer – Well if you can get past his ridiculous fashion sense with those voluminous trousers then this isn’t too bad is it? The song heavily samples from Rick James’ “Super Freak“. Hammer went on to become a preacher in the 90s.

7 “I Am Woman” – Helen Reddy – Reddy was born in 1941 in Australia. She says that she wrote this song because she felt that there were no songs that reflected what the women’s liberation movements were trying to achieve. It went on to become a massive success in 1972 reaching number 1 in the US Chart. It isn’t one of my favourites, but I fail to see how it ended up in this list. Actually I always loved her song “Angie Baby

8 “I’m Too Sexy” Right Said Fred – A formulaic disco song, sung by two shaven-headed/ bald well toned brothers; Richard and Fred Fairbrass. They had the classically stereotypical gay man look and I wonder whether this image was partly cultivated to broaden their market. This song smacks to me of being a classic one hit wonder. But strangely enough they went on to have quite a few hits, including a UK number one with “Deeply Dippy“. Meanwhile “I’m Too Sexy” actually reached number one in the US. The guys took their name from the Bernard Cribbins hit “Right Said Fred

9 “Ebony And Ivory” Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder – Paul was never my favourite Beatle and I’ve always loved Stevie, so when I read about this before it’s release I was quite excited. But then I heard it. Let’s face it, it’s crap isn’t it? Should be filed along with McCartney’s “Frog Chorus – We All Stand Together” and Stevie Wonder’s “I Just Called To say I Love You” and these two songs are so bad I think that they are actually bettered by “Ebony And Ivory”

10 “Macarena” Los Del Rio – This is one of those songs that no matter how much you hate it, it gets into your head and you just can’t get rid of it. I really dislike this tune and the stupid dance that goes with it.

In the 70’s Kenny Everett hosted a UK Radio Show called “Kenny Everett’s World’s Worst Record Show” featuring many truly atrocious recordings including “This Pullover” Jess Conrad.

My own worst song ever tends to vary depending upon my mood, however I nearly always goe back to “Billy Don’t Be A Hero” by Paper Lace or “Agadoo” by Black Lace or even “Angels” by Robbie Williams.

“Hey little sister what have you done?”


Hello once again dearest readers, this post is something of a news and catch up style post. Largely because apart from my Reading reports last weekend I haven’t posted much of late. So let’s start by clearing out my mail box folder that is titled ‘Blog Stuff’. So just be warned that you may have seen some of this stuff already, but I reckon it’s worth at least a second view anyway!

First up was the news from two weeks ago that Mr Robert Zimmerman (aka Bob Dylan) is to release a Christmas album this year. A number of commentators have suggested that this may damage his credibility. Somehow I don’t think so, many supposedly credible artists have recorded Christmas songs with no damage to their credibility. I mean how about the Dame’s (that’ll be Mr Bowie to the non regular readers) duet with Bing Crosby back in 1977 on “Peace On Earth/ Little Drummer Boy” Anyway the ‘DYLAN TO RELEASE CHRISTMAS ALBUM’ headline prompted the Independent newspaper in the UK to put together a top ten worst rock n roll career moves. It includes things like marrying your 13 year old cousin (Jerry Lee Lewis), showing your potential Nazi leanings (Clapton, Bowie et al), getting your non musical spouse/ girlfriend involved in your music a la John & Yoko, Paul & Linda, Pete & Kate, Pete & Jordan, er well ok the last one probably helped Peter Andre’s career really and that one isn’t in the article anyway, but I thought it was worth a mention. Anyway now you get the drift read the whole thing by clicking here. Incidentally Bowie’s supposed Nazi salute at Victoria Station on his return to London by train in 1976 was in my opinion just a wave, that looked just like a Nazi salute when captured in still photograph form. Why do I believe this you may ask? Well largely because I was there. I’m not usually the sad kind of fan who does things like that, but I only worked 5 minutes walk from Victoria at the time so I thought it was worth going, well that and the fact that I am a massive Bowie fan too!

Bob really got into the Christmas spirit by designing and using enormous candle shaped drumsticks.
Bob really got into the Christmas spirit by designing and using enormous candle shaped drumsticks.

Just about a week ago Living TV ran a report on the most expensive wedding singers, I have reprinted the top 12 and their prices below (the original source was in fact the New Zealand Herald);

1. The Rolling Stones – up to £5 million

2. Sir Elton John – up to £2 million

– Kylie Minogue – up to £2 million

4. Christina Aguilera – up to £1.5 million

5. George Michael – £1.3 million

6. Amy Winehouse – £1 million

– Sir Paul McCartney – £1 million

– Leona Lewis – £1 million

– Jennifer Lopez – £1 million

10. Barry Manilow – £750,000

11. Rod Stewart – £600,000

12. Duran Duran – £500,000

You could book me and my mobile disco for much less than any of those! I reckon that Gareth Gates and Leon Jackson would be up for paying you to appear at your nuptials celebration, what do you think? Why no Billy Idol? He could make some money by turning up at half a dozen weddings each weekend just to sing “White Wedding” at each one. Incidentally I found a wedding songs site, click here to check it out. Interestingly enough none of the above top 12 seem to feature much on any of the song lists, maybe that’s why they have stooped to playing weddings themselves methinks!

Back in my day the couple didn't get bare until the wedding night! Oh that's a different type of bare is it :-)
Back in my day the couple didn't get bare until the wedding night! Oh that's a different type of bare is it 🙂

Many of you will have seen the many different subtitled versions of the clip taken from a film about Hitlers last days in his bunker in Berlin. The first one I saw was Adolf talking about the Chelsea versus Manchester United Champions League Final in 2008. Now that was very good, but one which I think is even better is as usual the same clip of film, but this time Hitler learns that Michael Jackson has died and will be unable to perform at the Fuhrer’s birthday celebrations. Click here to see it and let me know what you think of it as well.

"hello mikey wikey it's adolfy wolfy here" - "why isn't he waving back? Am I too old for him or something?"
"hello mikey wikey it's adolfy wolfy here" - "why isn't he waving back? Am I too old for him or something?"

If you have read any of my posts from the Reading Festival will know from the anguished comments added by my good friend Nick H that we managed to miss the appearance of Them Crooked Vultures a band (although back in the day the moniker would have been supergroup) that has John Paul Jones off of Led Zeppelin, Dave Grohl off of the Foo Fighters and Josh Homme off of Queens Of The Stone Age amongst it’s membership! So for all the rest of you that may also have missed them here is a video from their appearance at the Brixton Academy just before the Reading and Leeds festivals. Click here to see it and take comfort in the knowledge that they will be touring in the UK later this year.

And finally for today let’s end with some sad news, it has been reported today that Charlie Watts has left the Rolling Stones, just three years before their 50th Anniversary. 68 year old Charlie took a massive amount of persuading largely from KeithRichards to take part in the last Stones Tour and it seems that with the possibility mooted by Mick Jagger of more Stones activity next year the oldest member of the band has decided to quit. Now that is BIG news, let’s face it though Noel leaving Oasis doesn’t even begin to compare does it?

So until the next time dear readers, ain’t it a shame that Charlie Watts won’t be appearing at a wedding near you soon! 😉

Charlie is an excellent drummer but he was pretty crap with chopsticks
Charlie is an excellent drummer but he was pretty crap with chopsticks