In an occasional series of music related jokes here is one of my favourites. Thank you to those smashing people at Popbitch for bringing this one to my attention and for giving me the opportunity to play such a great track again!
Doctor, doctor, my husband was
admitted into hospital for
involuntary buttock spasms.
Where is he?
ICU, baby. Shakin’ that ass!
I have decided to post any music related jokes that I come across, especially if they are at my usual groan level of humour. So with thanks to those lovely people at Popbitch for bringing this one to my attention.
The drummer off of the Inspiral Carpets, Craig Gill apparently now runs Manchester music tours. Last weekend he did two tours entitled ‘Morrissey and the Smiths’. The first one in the morning had a very healthy 85 punters. The tour stops off at many Smiths historical highlights including; Strangeways Prison, Salford Lads Club, the Southern Cemetery and Morrissey’s childhood home.
But according to one Smiths tourist the highlight was this joke from Mr Gill.
Q – What does Morrissey have in his sandwiches?
A – I don’t know, but Marr might!
I love that one, feel free to send me your favourite music related jokes. I will be happy to post them and to give you a name check. You can send them via email to me at adamson.will@gmail.com. Just put Another Crap Music Joke in the subject line.
In case you were fooled, this last one is an excellent spoof!
Hardly Wodka from Varrington is it?
This post will be made up of just a random selection of stuff, starting with P Diddy aka Puff Daddy aka Sean Puffy Combs aka Sean Combs etc. etc. Anyway Mr Diddyman has been the face of Ciroc vodka for some time and as an advertising campaign that has been rather successful. Pre Diddy sales were 60,000 cases per year and Post Diddy sales are 400,000 cases per year. Now that is a result! (Thank you to those nice people over at Popbitch for that information.
Some wonderful X Factor news to report. Joe McElderry‘s new single entered the UK chart at number 6 and then dropped to 20 a couple of weeks back! RESULT!
Now for some rather more amusing X Factor news. Did you watch Diana Vickers perform her new single on the show recently? Did you have any idea what she was singing about? No nor did I. But worry no more for help is at hand, click here to see it translated and watch carefully for the blatant steal from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers “Under The Bridge“.
Then there is some really weird news from the world of X Factor. Jedward have spent £3,000 on a bed sheet that was signed by Michael Jackson and MaCaulay Culkin. Whatever you might have thought of Jacko, that certainly seems a strange thing to do. Sleep innocently with a young ‘friend’ and then sign the sheet with them. But for me paying £3,000 for the sheet is even stranger! Read the story in the Guardian here.
Jedward audition for a part in a remake of the Deadly Bees
Meanwhile a final X Factor related story, Elton John has given his opinion of the show. He describes it as ‘boring, arse-paralysingly brain-crippling’ I have to say that I do agree with him, I just wish it wasn’t so bloody addictive! Read his comments in the Guardian by clicking here.
Here’s a great clip from a 1966 movie ‘The Deadly Bees‘ featuring the Birds proto R & B/ Mod band featuring Mr Ronnie Wood off of the Faces and the Rolling Stones. There has to be a joke about the Birds and the Bees here doesn’t there?
Did you ever wonder what kind of backstage riders your favourite bands have? Well check out a Blink 182 rider here at the Smoking Gun website. I guess there are not many bands who want X Rated lesbian porn and boxer shorts are there?
Finally check out this song from an artist that is very new to me, Lauren Pritchard. It’s called “Not The Drinking”
OK so I haven’t posted much lately but I couldn’t let a momentous event like the death of Michael Jackson go by without posting could I? As many of you know the first gig I ever saw was the Jackson 5 at the Wembley Empire Pool (now known as the WembleyArena). I went with a school friend, Brian Taylor who later found fame as an incredibly talented drummer for the Tom Robinson Band and the Stiff Little Fingers amongothers. (Brian if by some weird twist of fate you’re actually reading this feel free to get in touch). The importance of the group to Motown was apparent in the choice of support acts; Junior Walker and the All Stars and a pre-fame Commodores.
Sadly I actually had a jacket similar to that, but it was the 70s!
If my memory serves me well the Jackson 5 had recently released the fabulous “Looking Through The Windows” single, which I still love to this day. In fact I still play a few Jackson 5 songs in my DJ sets. Most recently I ran “I Want You Back” next to “ABC“. Indeed the former has been the ring tone on my mobile phone for months now. Those early J5 songs were fantastically produced, supremely well written and perhaps most importantly performed so brilliantly. I think that at the time, perhaps because I was pretty much the same age as Michael Jackson (he was born in August 1958 and I was born in January 1959) the J5 were by far my favourite group. I’m not ashamed to admit either that I used to mime to those early singles in front of the mirror using my hairbrush (for in those days not only did I possess one I actually needed to use it) as a microphone. Go on there must be more of you who did that kind of thing, like maybe miming to Hendrix using your tennis racket as a guitar? Post a comment about it, let’s have a series of ‘Confessions Of A Teenage Mime Artist’
Mike on the mic
Anyway back to the late great Michael Jackson as the J5 was the first live act I ever saw (I’m not counting the dreadful covers bands that played in hotels when my folks took me to Spain as a youngster – “Guantanamera” in-bloody-deed!) I was always going to interested in them to some degree. I followed their recording career quite closely throughout the 70s. Stuff like “Dancing Machine” is excellent. Then they left Motown to join Epic and produced some great stuff there too, for me the best being “Enjoy Yourself” and “Show You The Way To Go“. I felt that from around 1972 until “Off The Wall” Michael’s solo releases were at best patchy. But when “Off The Wall” hit the record racks that has to be the moment he began to ascend the stairs to super-stardom. He probably reached a level of fame that no one else ever has. In terms of fame he was probably far bigger than the Beatles or Elvis ever were. That level of celebrity must bring such pressure to bear on the way you need to live your life and maybe that’s perhaps where things began to go a little awry. Now is not the time to discuss the allegations of child abuse and whether I believe he was guilty or not is irrelevant. But I will say that it might have been better if he wasn’t surrounded by ‘yes men’ who did nothing to control his excesses. Did those people really care about him or about their own wealth? I’ll let you make your own minds up on that one! What is undeniable though is that he was one of the most talented individuals ever to have graced the world of music. His contemporaries from an age perspective at least were Madonna and Prince. Both of them are also supremely talented, but on the same level as MJ? I don’t think so. I reckon that Michael would probably appear in the top tens of more music fans than any other artist. What do you think dear readers?
A still from the Billie Jean video
The ‘Off The Wall’ album was the first in what proved in my opinion at least to be a trilogy of his greatest recordings. This was followed by the juggernaut that was ‘Thriller’ and then by the underrated (in my opinion) ‘Bad’. After that I never felt he reached those artistic highs again and I’m not sure that he ever would, but now we’ll never know will we?
‘Thriller’ sold in excess of 50 million copies worldwide, I wonder how many more copies will be sold now he has died? Remember that people tend to buy lots of product of immediately deceased stars. Just recall all the hits that Elvis and John Lennon had after they died, in some cases many years after they died
A still from the Zombie dance in the Thriller video
I would like to think that history looks reasonably kindly on Michael Jackson. He was a truly talented individual and yes he had flaws, some allegedly quite serious. But then how many of us can say we are completely flawless?
So let’s celebrate MJ’s life with another view of his superb performance at the Motown 25th Anniversary show in 1983. Click here to see it. Additionally Mojo Magazine has an excellent collection of Jacko videos on their website, click here to see them.
Also did any of you ever see his collaboration with my favourite author, Stephen King? It was a short but superb movie called “Ghosts”
I happened to visit HMV at lunchtime today and oh boy have they moved quickly. Nothing but Jacko on the sound system and stacks of his CDs now occupying prime positions in the store whereas last week they were all in the sale items (2 for £10). I know that sales people are often seen as cynical but to do that so soon after the guy is dead really takes the biscuit!
The tributes from other celebrities are quite interesting too, here are some words from Celine Dion; “He was not only a talented person, but he was unique – a genius. It’s such a loss. It feels like when Kennedy died.” Now it’s kinda strange that she seems to remember how that felt when Kennedy was killed in 1963 and Ms Dion wasn’t born until 1968.
Thanks to Popbitch for the following joke I know that the usual crop of sick jokes are doing the rounds as well, but I actually found this one quite amusing, here goes, but don’t read it if you think you might feel just a little bit offended ok. You have been warned;
There will be a post-mortem today to determine which was the cause of death:
A) Sunshine B) Moonlight C) Good Times D) Boogie
And a bit of fun to try and cheer up Jacko’s fans, here is an excellent Bollywood version of Thriller (thanks again to Popbitch for pointing this one out too)
Overall the BBC coverage of Michael’s death has been excellent, check it out here.
As a bit of an epilogue to this story I actually received my 15 minutes of fame this morning (well more like 15 seconds actually) when I made a brief appearance on BBC Radio York (thank you to Liam for arranging that!) this morning to comment on MJ and how it was the first gig I’d ever seen.
OK let’s get back to normal (bloody hell I’m not really normal am I?) service for this post. Before the birthday and ‘onthisday’ stuff let me start by saying that I’ve really been hammering the Soft Toy Emergency CD that I picked up for free at the Fibbers gig the other night. It’s bloody brilliant! You MUST check these guys out.
Whilst I’m on the MUST check out vibe, here is yet another shameless plug for my son Luke’s rather excellent band, Steal The Smile. Click on the name to head to their MySpace page.
As a follow up to celebrities some of the readers may know or indeed have met and following the piece on Justin Hawkins in a recent post, check out this picture of Simon P with Mr Hawkins. Feel free to send in your own starstruck pics and I’ll be happy to include them here.
Simon picks up some nail varnish tips from Justin
Thank you to the wonderful people at Popbitch for this info but if you’re a Boy George fan and you’d like to write to him while he is banged up (oooo errrrr missus!) here is his new addresss; George O’Dowd, HMP – Edmunds Hill, Stradishall, Newmarket, Suffolk, CB8 9YN.
Popbitch also provided a link to this excellent clip of Ricky Gervais meeting Elmo, you have to watch it’s bloody funny
I also stole this musical related joke from Popbitch (and you’ll find the link to the Popbitch site in my favourite websites on the blog)
Q: What do you get when you cross Feargal Sharkey with Bernard Manning?
A: Racist undertones.
So onto just the one birthday for today, 19th March. It is the 50th birthday of Terry Hall off of the Specials (now reformed), Fun Boy Three, the Colourfield, Vegas and indeed solo. The Specials were originally known as the Coventry Automatics, Coventry being where the band originated from. As with so many excellent bands it was the late and very very great (very big l’s & g’s here) Mr John Peel who first played them on the radio. He played the rather excellent “Gangsters” on his show in early 1979. Hall left the Specials with Lynval Golding and Neville Staples to form the Fun Boy Three just after the massive success of “Ghost Town”. The Fun Boy Three also had two separate collaborations with Bananarama; “It Ain’t What You Do (It’s The Way That You Do It)” and “(He Was) Really Saying Something” It was of course the Specials, thanks to Jerry Dammers setting up Two Tone Records, that helped drive the late 70’s early 80’s ska revival forward. This was a great launch pad for many bands; Madness, the Beat (the English Beat in the US), the Selecter and many more. The Specials were invited to open for the Clash on the ‘On Parole’ Tour after Joe Strummer saw one of their gigs in 78/79. Here’s one for you fact fans, do you know who produced the first Specials album in 1979? No? well it was none other than Declan McManus better known as Elvis Costello. One of my favourite Specials songs is “Do Nothing” click the title to hear it and see it.
The Specials during their pole dancing period. The boys hadn't realised that it was supposed to be just one person at a time on the pole!
Sticking with the Specials for a moment or in fact I think it was the Special AKA, after Terry Hall had left. You may recall they released a song called “Free Nelson Mandela”. The week after the song was released there was an excellent letter in the NME. It was something like “I loved the Special AKA single so much that I bought it on the day of release. However I was extremely disappointed not to receive my free Nelson Mandela like it said on the cover” I wish that I had written that! Anyway here is the wonderful Amy Winehouse and a cast of thousands with an excellent version of “Free Nelson Mandela” from the Mandela Birthday Concert in Hyde Park last year.
A Pizza To You Rudy perhaps? I wonder if they received a free Nelson Mandela with that?
On this day in 1965 the ‘Tailor And Cutter’ magazine published an article asking the Rolling Stones to wear ties to save tie makers from financial ruin. What the bloody hell is that all about then. I’ve had to wear a tie for most of my working life and indeed at school too, which started before many of you readers were born. I’ve never enjoyed wearing a tie, I’ve never seen the point. let’s face it they don’t keep you warm or keep your shirt buttoned up. OK maybe they act as a bib or napkin for messy eaters. But seriously what is the point of tying a coloured piece of cloth around your neck. You may well wonder why I still do it, I have two words in my flimsy defence; peer pressure! Yeah it’s feeble isn’t it. OK then let’s have your tie comments please.
Clearly no one had told new boy Ronnie Wood about the no ties rule
On this day in 1976 the death of late great (here are those lovable l’s & g’s again) Paul Kossoff off of (now say that fast!) Free and Back Street Crawler and also the son of the excellent actor David Kossoff. He died of heart failure whilst on a flight from LA to New York aged just 25. He had a long history of drug abuse. Kossoff was with Free from 1968 to 1973, appearing on their final album and also one of my favourite albums of all time ‘Heartbreaker’ Although the band actually broke up for a few months during 71/72. When the band formed in 1968 their ages ranged from just 15 to a rather ancient 18. Kossoff was 17 at the time. Here are Free with the title track from the “Heartbreaker” album
That was either an enormous amp or Paul was very small
With Just A Hint Of Mayhem 