With Just A Hint Of Mayhem

Music trivia, useless info, extra added random stuff and the odd rant from me

‘BUTCHERING AND BURNING ROCK MUSIC’S SACRED COWS – Carcass 1 August 23, 2022


Hands up anyone who thinks that the Beatles are shite? I am kicking off this series with a piece on a crappy little beat combo from Liverpool. They are the first of rock music’s untouchable deities to be laid out on Buffy’s Butcher’s block will be the Beatles. So, let me kick off first with that shitty bad pun of a name, the Beatles? Seriously? It might have been funny for five minutes in 1962, but now it is just mega dull. But I suppose that is a reflection on the band too, maybe they did briefly show talent in the early days. Their backing on Tony Sheridan’s version of “My Bonnie” was almost as good as anything that Right Said Fred has released. As for the music, well it was mostly covers in the early days. The first two albums were 43% cover versions and 57% rip-offs from people like Carl Perkins, Chuck Berry, and Buddy Holly. How did they have the arrogance and audacity to turn down that classic pop song “How Do You Do It?” A song that went on to be a huge smash for a more talented Liverpool band, Gerry and the Pacemakers. In fact, the first three singles by Gerry and the Pacemakers all went to number one in the UK. The Beatles failed to do that with “Love Me Do” limping to a lowly number 17 and “Please, Please Me” stuttering out at number 2. Their early albums were recorded incredibly quickly and that shows in how interminably bland the music is. In a similar way, their later albums took months to record and that shows too, mostly in the overproduced, overrated drivel they put out. All they have left us is a series of mediocre pop songs and plenty of album filler. If I must provide reluctant praise, it would be to long-suffering producer George Martin. He knew that he couldn’t polish a Beatles-shaped turd, but he was able to roll that turd in glitter occasionally.

Even Ringo, the second-choice drummer, (let’s face it Pete Best was far better), didn’t play on the “Love Me Do” single. John Lennon is alleged to have said that Ringo “wasn’t the best drummer in the world, in fact he wasn’t even the best drummer in the Beatles”. Apparently, Lennon didn’t actually say that, according to a number of sources, but the statement stands true, doesn’t it? The Beatles a.k.a the Floptops were just in the right place at the right time, any beat band of the early sixties could have been picked up and groomed for success like they were. The Merseys or Gerry and the Pacemakers would have been moderately better, although still somewhat shit. The overuse of “yeah, yeah, yeah” in their lyrics made it abundantly clear that they couldn’t write a decent tune to save their lives. They were basically a manufactured boy band put together by Brian Epstein. He got rid of the original drummer and made them change their appearance, dressing them in pretty little suits and promoting the Beatles’ haircut. In that sense, they were the Westlife of their day, nothing more. Like the boys from Sligo they sold millions of records based on their pretty boy looks, well excluding Ringo, he was hardly pretty was he? To be fair to Lennon in particular, he was right when he said that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus. Extensive research (on Google) suggests that JC was no more than 5 feet 5 inches tall (other heights are available) while the shortest Beatle was Ringo at five feet 8 inches.

Some people say that a measure of success is all their number one records, 17 UK number one singles, and 11 UK number one albums (plus another 4 if you count compilations and archive issues) for example. But Westlife have had 14 UK number one singles and 9 UK number one albums, 11 if you count compilations. So, on that basis, I should add that I believe Westlife are absolute and utter shite, the Beatles are a few number ones better than Westlife. But simply put both acts are steaming piles of number twos! George Harrison convincing the boys to let him use a sitar on some songs probably explains why he was not given the opportunity to write more Beatles songs. The sitar in rock music? What a waste of overindulged, egotistical effort. Then there is the infamous “concept” album, ‘Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band’, if I linked the last three bowel evacuations I did it would be more of a concept and frankly would probably sound better. As for ‘Abbey Road’, well firstly what a lazy fucking title that is, and secondly it was filled with half-finished sketches of songs and a huge plagiarism of Chuck Berry by John Lennon in “Come Together”. And what about the so-called “White Album”? A double album with 30 tracks, ridiculously overlong, and where the hell was the quality control on track selection. “Glass Onion”, “Piggies” and “Don’t Pass Me By” should have been expunged from tape never to be heard again. The sonic dirge/ soundscape that is “Revolution 9” is easily the best track the Beatles ever recorded, largely because it doesn’t feature any of them and is just a bunch of insane randomly recorded sounds and words.

If you must listen to the Beatles, why not go with a facsimile from the 90s, at least you would be listening to something slightly more modern, albeit an even more shitty band than the Beatles, ladies, and gentlemen I give you Oasis. Let me finish by saying that if you have bothered to read this far you either agree with me or your head is about to explode with steam-fuelled anger and you are already typing me a message from “Angry of the Shires” telling me I am wrong. Well, you’re too late, all that remains of the Beatles is their blood on my butcher’s block. But they have provided several tough and bordering on rancid steaks and cutlets for local butcher’s shops!
I have many more rock deities on my list, and I would love to hear who you would like me to take apart next! In the meantime please remember that “all you need is love” Buffy Frobisher Smythe Esquire xxx

Written by Buffy Frobisher Smythe.

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“And she never walk down Lime Street any more” January 3, 2014


joe anderson liverpool mayorAccording to Joe Anderson, the Mayor of Liverpool, his city’s artists can claim more UK number one singles per head of population than any other city in the world. There have been 57 so far, including 17 from the Beatles. Let’s stick to cities and not smaller towns and villages though, otherwise Westlife might put Sligo on top of the list with their 14 UK number one singles. Incidentally I wonder how many number one singles London has had? Or any other city for that matter.beatles and boris

Joe was writing in Q Magazine to counter London Mayor Boris Johnson‘s ridiculous claim that London ‘made’ the Beatles. Surely it was Liverpool and possibly a degree of Hamburg that ‘made’ the Fab Four? What do you think of Boris’ comments? I think he is a complete arse!

boris-funny

Here are those Liverpool acts and their UK number ones;

14 March 1953 : Lita Roza – “(How Much Is) That Doggie in the Window?”
25 January 1957 : Frankie Vaughan – “The Garden of Eden”
14 February 1958 : Michael Holliday – “The Story of My Life”
29 January 1960 : Michael Holliday – “Starry Eyed”
7 December 1961 : Frankie Vaughan – “Tower of Strength”
11 April 1963: Gerry and the Pacemakers – “How Do You Do It?”
2 May 1963: The Beatles – “From Me to You”
20 June 1963 : Gerry and the Pacemakers – “I Like It”
8 August 1963: The Searchers – “Sweets for My Sweet”
22 August 1963: Billy J. Kramer and The Dakotas – “Bad to Me”
12 September 1963 : The Beatles – “She Loves You”
31 October 1963 : Gerry and the Pacemakers – “You’ll Never Walk Alone”
28 November 1963 : The Beatles – “She Loves You”
12 December 1963 : The Beatles – “I Want to Hold Your Hand”
30 January 1964 : The Searchers – “Needles and Pins”
27 February 1964 : Cilla Black – “Anyone Who Had a Heart”
19 March 1964 :  Billy J. Kramer and The Dakotas – “Little Children”
2 April 1964 : The Beatles – “Can’t Buy Me Love”
7 May 1964 : The Searchers – “Don’t Throw Your Love Away”
28 May 1964 : Cilla Black – “You’re My World”
23 July 1964: The Beatles – “A Hard Day’s Night”
10 December 1964 : The Beatles – “I Feel Fine”
22 April 1965 : The Beatles – “Ticket to Ride”
5 August 1965: The Beatles – “Help!”
30 September 1965 : Ken Dodd – “Tears”
16 December 1965 : The Beatles – “Day Tripper”/”We Can Work It Out”
23 June 1966: The Beatles – “Paperback Writer”
18 August 1966: The Beatles – “Yellow Submarine”/”Eleanor Rigby”
19 July 1967 : The Beatles – “All You Need Is Love”
6 December 1967: The Beatles – “Hello, Goodbye”
27 March 1968 : The Beatles – “Lady Madonna”
11 September 1968 : The Beatles – “Hey Jude”
11 December : 1968 The Scaffold – “Lily the Pink”
23 April 1969 : The Beatles with Billy Preston – “Get Back”
11 June 1969: The Beatles – “The Ballad of John and Yoko”
30 January 1971 : George Harrison – “My Sweet Lord”
3 December 1977 : Wings : “Mull of Kintyre”
20 December 1980 : John Lennon – “(Just Like) Starting Over”
10 January 1981 : John Lennon – “Imagine”
7 February 1981 : John Lennon – “Woman”
24 April 1982 : Paul McCartney with Stevie Wonder – “Ebony and Ivory”
14 January 1984 : Paul McCartney – “Pipes of Peace”
28 January 1984 : Frankie Goes to Hollywood – “Relax”
16 June 1984: Frankie Goes to Hollywood – “Two Tribes”
8 December 1984 : Frankie Goes to Hollywood – “The Power of Love”
9 March 1985 : Dead or Alive – “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)”
15 June 1985: The Crowd – “You’ll Never Walk Alone”
29 August 1987 : Ferry Aid – “Let it Be”
20 May 1989 : Various artists – “Ferry Cross the Mersey”
22 July 1989  : Sonia – “You’ll Never Stop Me Loving You”
26 May 1996 : Baddiel, Skinner & The Lightning Seeds – “Three Lions”
14 June 1998: Baddiel, Skinner & The Lightning Seeds : “Three Lions ’98”
March 26 2000: Melanie C featuring Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes – “Never Be the Same Again”
August 13 2000: Melanie C – “I Turn to You”
February 4 2001: Atomic Kitten – “Whole Again”
July 29 2001: Atomic Kitten – “Eternal Flame”
January 20 2002: George Harrison – “My Sweet Lord”
April 28 2002: Sugababes – “Freak Like Me”
August 18 2002: Sugababes – “Round Round”
September 1 2002 : Atomic Kitten – “The Tide Is High (Get the Feeling)”
October 19 2003 : Sugababes – “Hole in the Head”
September 30 2007 : Sugababes – “About You Now”
Christmas number one 2012 : The Justice Collective – “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother”

 

“Are we living in a land where sex and horror are the new gods?” March 14, 2009


Welcome to the weekend good people, bad people and those who aren’t sure. It’s time to let your hair down for a couple of days, well metaphorically in my case! It’s 14th March and just one day away from those dastardly Ides, so remember to stay bewared so to speak.

Did you make a donation to Comic Relief yesterday? If not it’s not too late and if you did feel free to donate more. Just click here and remember just £5 will buy a mosquito net for an African child. This could help to eradicate Malaria which is one of the biggest killers of children in Africa. Just think that if everyone who read this blog yesterday donated just £1 that would total £450! For the latest update on Comic Relief click here, the ‘on the day total’ topped £57m!

I have a confession to make about last night’s show though and I can’t believe that I’m about to say this. But Robbie Williams was bloody good last night in the Little Britain sketch. To be fair he wasn’t singing, thankfully but nonetheless he was good. Click here to see the sketch. What do you think of it?

That little devil Robbie Williams raids the tranny dressing up box with David Walliams and Matt Lucas

That little devil Robbie Williams raids the tranny dressing up box with David Walliams and Matt Lucas

We continue todays post with a few contributions from some regular readers. Firstly thank you to Tom who passed on a great video and indeed a potentially great band today. We were talking at the Hospital Radio Station on Wednesday night about Ringo Starr’s solo efforts, which in my opinion have been somewhat patchy. Anyway Tom mentioned that there was an excellent video on YouTube promoting the current single from a band called Blame Ringo, click on the song title to see it, it is all filmed at the famous Abbey Road zebra crossing that was featured on the cover of the Beatles Abbey Road album. The song is called “Garble Arch (A Day In The Life Of Abbey Road)” So tell me, how many of you have had your picture taken on that crossing? Feel free to mail a copy to me and I’ll happily publish it in the blog for you. Blame Ringo’s website is pretty good too, click here to check it out.

This Beatles fan makes his feelings clear about Ringo having a bum deal even if he wasn't the best drummer in the band. To be fair Meg White wasn't the best drummer in the White Stripes either!

This Beatles fan makes his feelings clear about Ringo having a bum deal even if he wasn't the best drummer in the band. To be fair Meg White wasn't the best drummer in the White Stripes either!

I found this while I was searching for a Blame Ringo picture. So I had to include it. Why? Because I can of course!

I found this while I was searching for a Blame Ringo picture. So I had to include it. Why? Because I can of course! Indeed it even features Catwoman as well

Secondly here’s a great tip off from Nick H who lives in what used to be the hometown of Mary Shelley who wrote the rather spiffing Frankenstein. Nick has given us an excellent link to a brilliant cover of Gary Numan’s “Are Friends Electric?” by Jack White’s new band ‘Dead Weather’. It consists of Jack himself, obviously, Allison Mosshart from the Kills on vocals, Jack Lawrence from the Raconteurs and Dean Fertita from Queens of the Stone Age. Click the song title for the video and click here for the band’s web site.

Jack tried to warn Allison that she was about to feel a little prick....... from the thorn bush of course, you readers are just sooooooo rude! ;-)

Jack tried to warn Allison that she was about to feel a little prick....... from the thorn bush of course, you readers are just sooooooo rude! 😉

And finally for those readers contributions here is a brief one from Marcy. She wanted me to let you know that she lives a mere stones throw (well if you can throw a stone 7.1 miles) from Mr Davy Jones off of the Monkees. Davy also plays a few shows in Marcy’s home town too. Do any other readers live near a celebrity? Let me know and maybe I can include it in a future post

A horse walks into Davy's Bar and orders a beer, Davy serves him and says "why the long face?"

A horse walks into Davy's Bar and orders a beer, Davy serves him and says "why the long face?"

Anyway let’s move on with the trivia and useful/ useless (delete as appropriate) information for today.

Firstly the birthdays and today is the 63rd birthday of Jim Pons who was the bass player for classic 60s band the Turtles who had a massive hit with the classic (ok so I’ve overdone the classic superlative, so what?) “Happy Together”. Jim didn’t join the band until after that though. He was also a member of Frank Zappa’s Mothers Of Invention. The Turtles first hit was a cover of Bob Dylan’s “It Ain’t Me Babe”. Before this they were called Crossfires From The Planet Mars. Another classic Turtles hit was “She’d Rather Be with Me” which does indeed feature Jim on bass.

Everyone else had walked across the Abbey Road crossing, but the Turtles had to show off by crawling across

Everyone else had walked across the Abbey Road crossing, but the Turtles had to show off by crawling across

The second and last of our birthdays today is the 26th birthday of Jordan Taylor Hanson. He was, somewhat obviously, a member of Hanson who had a massive hit with “MMMBop“. I must confess that I love that song, a true guilty pleasure is that one I suppose. Does anyone else admit to liking it? Jordan preferred to be known by his middle name Taylor and he was just 14 at the height of “MMMBop’s” success. The band have the honour of appearing twice in TV’s Celebrity Death Match. The first time they fought the Spice Girls and both they and the Spice Girls were killed by a chainsaw toting Marilyn Manson. Bizarrely they came back for a rematch with Manson (hey I wonder if it was billed as Manson vs Hanson?), they lost again after Zac Hanson lost control of the chainsaw. Please note that Celebrity Death Match was not real and no stars were harmed during the making of it. Although there are some I would like to see on a real version! any guesses or suggestions? Incidentally fact fans, “MMMBop” has been featured as House’s mobile phone ring tone in House MD.

On further investigation it became clear that Hanson were in fact Triamese twins who shared four legs and three heads

On further investigation it became clear that Hanson were in fact Triamese twins who shared four legs and three heads

On this day in 1985 the mighty Frankie Goes To Hollywood played a show at the Sheffield City Hall in the UK. The band were absolutely mega in 84/ 85 with their first three singles all reaching number one in the UK. At that point they were only the second group ever to achieve that feat after Gerry and the Pacemakers in the 60s. There are various stories as to how the band got their name all relate to a newspaper or magazine headline of a star going to Hollywood. To be perfectly Frank it was one of the following Franks; Frank Sinatra, Frankie Vaughan (one of my Mum’s favourite singers!) or English comedian Frankie Howard (titter ye not!). “Relax” had reached number 6 in the UK charts after an appearance on Top Of The Pops and then the infamous Mike Read banning incident occurred. Allegedly Mike objected to the sexual content of the lyric, this of course gave the band and the song such publicity it shot to (read no innuendo into that smutty people) number one, where it stayed for 5 weeks. The follow up “Two Tribes” went to number one and stayed there for a phenomenal 9 weeks at the same time “Relax” climbed back to number 2. The third single “The Power Of Love” was number one for a short period in December 1984. It’s nativity themed video means that is still seen as a Christmas song by many, but I’m not convinced! The rise of Frankie also led to a proliferation of ‘FRANKIE SAY……’ Tee shirts. Here are the Frankie’s with “Relax” on Channel 4’s the Tube in late 1983.

They had reached page 42 in the Kama Sutra but now neither i=of them had a hand free to turn to the next page

They had reached page 42 in the Kama Sutra but now neither of them had a hand free to turn to the next page

And finally on this day in 1991 REM played the first of two nights at London’s Borderline billed as Bingo Hand Job. Not only did they come up with a different name for the band they also gave each other new names for the shows; Michael Stipe was the Reverend Bingo, Peter Buck became Raoul, Bill Berry was the Doc and Mike Mills had the honour (?) of being Stinky. Out of those I would rather have been called the Reverend Bingo but a number of people have told me that Stinky would be more appropriate. Hmmmmmm I’m not sure why that is 😉 Anyway to finish here are REM with the Muppets on a cracking version of “Furry Happy Monsters

Michael had heard that many dog owners resembled their dogs, but.......

Michael had heard that many dog owners resembled their dogs, but.......

..... he hadn't realised that he was starting to look like his gargoyle!

..... he hadn't realised that he was starting to look like his gargoyle!

 

 
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