With Just A Hint Of Mayhem

Music reviews, gig reviews, fun trivia and extra added random stuff!

“Ripped gloves, raincoat, tried to swim and stay afloat” January 13, 2012

Filed under: News — justwilliam1959 @ 7:54 pm
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I was really pleased to see that there are hardly any X Factor related nominations for the upcoming Brit Awards. Just one each for Olly Murs, One Direction and JLS. Jessie J and Adele have three nominations each and Ed Sheerhan is nominated in a mighty four categories; British Male Solo Artist, British Breakthrough Act, British Single (for “The A Team”) and British Album of the Year (for ‘+’)

Aloe Blacc, Bon Iver, Coldplay, Emeli Sande and Florence & The Machine are all nominated in two categories each. There is also a welcome return to the nominees for Kate Bush after her excellent rework album ‘Directors Cut’ and the new album ’50 Words For Snow’

All the nominees are shown below and I have underlined who I expect to win in each category, not who I would like to win in all cases though! But Blur will definitely pick up their award and it will be great to see them together again.

What do you think of the new Brit Award designed by Peter Blake? Personally I love it

British Male Solo Artist

Ed Sheeran

James Blake

James Morrison

Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds

Professor Green

British Female Solo Artist

Adele

Florence & The Machine

Jessie J

Kate Bush

Laura Marling

British Breakthrough Act

Anna Calvi

Ed Sheeran

Emeli Sande

Jessie J

The Vaccines

British Group

Arctic Monkeys

Chase & Status

Coldplay

Elbow

Kasabian

British Single

Adele – Someone Like You

Ed Sheeran – The A Team

Example – Changed The Way You Kissed Me

Jessie J Ft B.o.B. – Price Tag

JLS Ft Dev – She Makes Me Wanna

Military Wives/Gareth Malone – Wherever You Are

Olly Murs Ft Rizzle Kicks – Heart Skips A Beat

One Direction – What Makes You Beautiful

Pixie Lott – All About Tonight

The Wanted – Glad You Came

British Album of the Year

Adele – 21

Coldplay – Mylo Xyloto

Ed Sheeran – +

Florence & The Machine – Ceremonials

PJ Harvey – Let England Shake

International Male Solo Artist

Aloe Blacc

Bon Iver

Bruno Mars

David Guetta

Ryan Adams

International Female Solo Artist

Beyonce

Bjork

Feist

Lady Gaga

Rihanna

International Group

Fleet Foxes

Foo Fighters

Jay Z / Kanye West

Lady Antebellum

Maroon 5

International Breakthrough Act

Aloe Blacc

Bon Iver

Foster The People

Lana Del Rey

Nicki Minaj

British Producer

Paul Epworth

Flood

Ethan Johns

Outstanding Contribution To Music

Blur

Critics’ Choice

Emeli Sande

I will be blogging about the Brits live from my living room on Tuesday 21st February, but feel free to visit my blog in between times as well!

I’ll sign off for now with a clip of a distant previous appearance at the Brits by Blur.

 

“Hindsight done me no good standing naked in the back of the woods” January 4, 2012

Filed under: News — justwilliam1959 @ 11:32 pm
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I'm not sure what Steve Jones is doing behind Glen Matlock, but Glen doesn't seem to mind does he?

There has been a few snippets of Sex Pistols and PiL related news on-line recently, particularly in the NME. Firstly Steve Jones has said that Glen Matlock a ‘middle-class mommy’s boy” in a recent interview with Hustler magazine. Jones appears to have a bee in his punk bonnet about original Pistols bass player Matlock’s attitude. Jones said that he preferred Sid Vicious because he ‘looked the part’. Which is all very well but he couldn’t play bass could he? Click here to read the NME article.

Matlock may be a Mummys Boy but what the fuck is Jones in a top like that?

The new series of Grumpy Old Men had got off to a great start

John Lydon has famously claimed that ‘If you want to know why PiL don’t have a record label, look at the X Factor’. he goes on to say that artists who want to be cutting edge and challenging wouldn’t get past the first round of reality talent shows such as American Idol and X Factor. He adds ‘Unfortunately there’s some fantastic singers that come out of that, but they’re karaoke’. I couldn’t agree more. Not so much has pop eaten itself, more like it has just bored itself into soporific oblivion. Hopefully Lydon and his PiL cohorts can shake things up with their new album ‘This Is PiL’ which is due out later this year. They will also be reissuing all of their previous albums during 2012. Read the article on the NME website by clicking here.

Lydon takes a dump on the world

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnBq98uUJE4

 

“Stones taught me to fly, love taught me to lie” December 17, 2011

Filed under: News,Observation — justwilliam1959 @ 6:33 pm
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Regular readers of this blog know that I really do despise the X Factor and all it stands for. I chose not to watch it this year and a couple of people said to me “you have to watch it, you write a music blog” my response was “that is true, but first and foremost I am a music fan, not a Saturday primetime TV karaoke fan”

Anyway the festival for those of limited talent is over for another year and has launched a whole troupe of pop muppets on the world in the shape of Little Mix. Their first single is a truly awful cover of Damien Rice‘s “Cannonball”. But the good news is that it is not the current favourite for UK Christmas number one. That honour sits with “Wherever You Are” by the Military Wives Choir the new choir project put together by the immensely talented Gareth Malone. Whilst this is not my favourite type of music it is a really beautiful song and vocally it’s a million times better than Little Mix.

The next two favourites across the UK bookmakers are Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and Damien Rice with the original version of “Cannonball”. So I think you know what to do don’t you? Go and buy the Military Wives song and if you must buy Little Mix make sure you buy Military Wives as well. Anyone who is a music fan should do whatever they can to keep the X Factor muppets from the Christmas number one spot. I hope I can count on you to do this!

 

“You had a dream of a promised land” October 19, 2011

Filed under: News,Rants — justwilliam1959 @ 8:48 pm
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News broke earlier this week that four members of UB40 have been declared bankrupt. That is bankrupt as in debt related rather than artistic bankruptcy I presume. Personally I loved their first album, but after that I thought they became the reggae equivalent of Status Quo and Ronseal. They did exactly what it said on the tin with as few original notes or original compositions as possible.

Their version of Neil Diamond’s song “Red Red Wine” is probably one of my least favourite songs and is nothing more than a poor carbon copy of the earlier reggae version by Tony Tribe. I recognise that the band were in a sense paying homage to their reggae heroes, but frankly how many times can you roll out the ‘Labour Of Love’ identikit covers concept before it becomes stale? In their favour they are clearly more talented than any X Factor contestant, but then I am also more talented than many of those.

Read the story of UB40s money woes here on the BBC, sadly it came about just a week after they had a Music Heritage plaque mounted in their honour at the Kings Heath, Birmingham pub that they performed at in 1979; The Hare and Hounds. I know it’s cruel, but I have a couple of questions;

Will they now have to complete one of their namesake forms; Unemployment Benefit form 40 a.k.a UB40?

How soon before they are joined in bankruptcy by any number of X Factor ‘success’; Matt Cardle, Joe McElderry et al?

In the meantime enjoy a couple of songs from the bands excellent first album;

 

“Is this just a silly game, that forces you to act this way” October 2, 2011

Filed under: News,Rants — justwilliam1959 @ 6:00 pm
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Regular readers of this blog know that I am not particularly fond of X Factor and all the crap that produces. I have taken a conscious decision to not watch it again. I saw 20 minutes of one episode of the new series and frankly it looks like the same old stuff yet again; a bunch of, at best, moderately talented individuals who might have a chance of a 12 month career in the music industry before being dropped. If you are a true music fan you probably never watch the show anyway. But for those of you who aren’t sure; The X Factor is NOT the future of rock ‘n’ roll. The X Factor DOES NOT produce or nurture great talent. The X Factor WOULD HAVE turned down the likes of Kate Bush or David Bowie. Olly Murs IS NOT rock ‘n’ roll (an appearance on Saturday Kitchen and on the bill at V Festival on the same day! A great reason to boycott the V Festival and go to Reading or Leeds instead) The X Factor IS JUST a light entertainment programme. I really mean all those kind of shows when I say X Factor; American Idol, Britain’s Got Talent etc.)

Probably more talented than most recent winners and finalists of the X Factor

In addition have you heard the new Matt Cardle single? It sounds like a song that Coldplay or Snow Patrol have rejected. Yes I know it was written by Gary Barlow off of Take That; but it is a bit of a dirge isn’t it. As for the stranglehold the show has on the Christmas number one we really need to create another Rage Against The Machine moment to prevent this years Joe Cardle or Matt McElderry (yes I know the names are juxtaposed!) or whatever identikit pop muppet wins. I propose something like the first Public Image Limited single “Public Image”, “White Riot” by the Clash or perhaps the Ramones with “I Wanna Be Sedated” I would love to hear your thoughts on that one. Check out the videos for those songs below.

Simon Cowell; So talented he can make the shape of his signature with his arms

I know many of you will, if you can be bothered, comment with a list of all the major successes these shows have produced. But it really would be a short list wouldn’t it? Personally I would only include Will Young on that list. Also how can a show overhaul its judging panel so extensively and still leave Louis Walsh in place? He’s about as useful as a teapot made of dog turds.

Louis looking remarkably like a dog turd teapot in my opinion

And finally spending four hours or whatever the hell it is each weekend watching such mindless drivel as the X Factor is a whole stack of hours that I will never get back. So why don’t we all do something different, something real. Go to a music venue, even if it’s just live music at a pub. just don’t sit in and allow yourself to become addicted such crap. Let’s start hoisting the flag for real music not puerile, manufactured shite that the X Factor drip feeds you with.

OK hit me with your comments good people! I thought for little while about what song to finish with. It had to be X Factor related yet not X Factor related at the same time. So it had to be Lauryn Hill with “Ex Factor”

 

“So if you’re down on your luck and you can’t harmonize” July 26, 2011

Filed under: News — justwilliam1959 @ 10:08 pm
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A rolling stone apparently gathers no moss, but what about an aging stone? Mick Jagger is 68 today, bringing the total age of the Rolling Stones (including along with Sir Mick; Keef, Charlie and Ronnie) to 269 years. Mick is a keen cricket fan so no doubt will have been pleased by England’s excellent performance against India at Lords yesterday.

Will the Stones tour again? Who knows? But one of the alleged reasons for them not hitting the road soon was a remark in Keith Richards’ autobiography which disparaged the size of Mick’s todger. Mick, I wouldn’t be too upset if I were you, large or small it seems to work pretty
well given all the Jagger sproglets that are on the planet! Plus Keith did say you had big balls!

Anyway in recognition of Mick’s birthday here are a few Stones classics, including “Gimme Shelter” to reflect Mick’s options regarding
a move to sheltered accommodation;

And finally an opportunity for me to share the new Cher Lloyd single which I really love. Is there something wrong with me? I actually like something that has arisen from the X Factor that also takes the refrain from “Oh My Darling Clementine”. Anyway what’s it doing in a post about Mick Jagger? Well it’s a very tenuous link, but it’s called “Swagger Jagger”

 

Eurovision Song Contest 2011 May 14, 2011

Filed under: News,Observation — justwilliam1959 @ 10:29 pm
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So here we are again at the most important annual event on the European Music Calendar, the Eurovision Song Contest. OK I was only joking right! I intend to give you a brief opinion on each country’s performance, if I can be bothered to watch the whole thing of course! I am also typing this real-time in case you wondered. Germany won last year, so who will it be this year? Blue? Jedward? I bloody hope not! Check out the official Eurovision 2011 site by clicking here. You can also check out my post on last years contest by clicking here.

Finland – Blander than James Blunt

Bosnia & Herzegovina – Dull and it looked like Catweazle was in the band. What was Harry Enfield‘s Kevin doing dancing around the stage with a trumpet? ‘It’s just SO UNFAIR!’

Denmark – looked like rockers, but clearly they couldn’t rock their way out of a paper record sleeve

Lithuania – Typical Eurovision ballad. Why was she signing for the deaf? Would being deaf be an advantage when watching this show? Anyway the song is the opposite of a Chinese Takeaway meal, you certainly won’t want more of this dirge after half an hour.

Hungary – aaah some Eurodisco at last! But why didn’t her dressmaker finish the dress? Some of the dancers appeared to be wearing illuminated hoodies, so does that mean you could get an electronic ASBO? Either way they certainly wouldn’t be allowed to visit my local corner shop.

Ireland – It’s bloody Jedward, are we in a parallel universe? Surprisingly good graphics and shoulder pads borrowed from Dynasty. It pains me to say it of these two talented twats but I think this damned shite could win. It has everything but talent.

Sweden – well it’s hardly Abba is it? But it has a hook and an 80s disco beat. If you name your song ‘Popular’ though is that going to be a help or a hindrance? Personally I can see the irony in a song with that title finishing last with nul points.

Estonia – well it has to be said that for a fashion student, that is an awful dress. The dancers are like the people who failed the Zombie auditions for Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video. As for her song I think it has created a new music genre; Dull Disco!

Greece – at the risk of sounding xenophobic what was that guy doing between the singers parts? Kebab Rap? Catwoman says the set looks like they’re about to be beamed up.

Russia – by far the best of the night so far on both the singing and dancing fronts. Apart from the spelling of the singer’s name on the back of their leather jackets.

France – apparently this is the favourite. The singer is supposedly the youngest professional tenor in the world at just 21. Not my favourite style of music but he is damned good. This really would be an interesting winner. As left field as Finland’s Lordi a few years ago.

Italy – If Jamie Cullum were Italian he’d be this bloke, only slightly better. Another left field option though, jazziest song of the night so far. Top marks to Italy and France for daring to be different.

Switzerland – a bit of a light almost reggae style beat going on with this one. Apparently she was discovered busking. Not a bad song overall apart from being a little heavy on the na na na na na’s but she certainly has the looks to be a star.

United Kingdom – this is it, it’s Blue. A pretty good performance, although a long way from being a great song. But it does sound like something that would go down well all over Europe. Did Simon Webbe forget to pack his shirt?

Blue had bet their shirts on winning Eurovision

Moldova – possibly the worst of the night so far. A poor Beastie Boys tribute band with added brass, unicycles, monocles and the worst hats ever seen in Eurovision. How did this get through the semi finals?

Germany – It’s Lena back to defend her title. She won with “Satellite” last year. I can’t see her being back next year personally. She has a distinctive voice but a really undistinctive (is that a word, probably not?) song.

Romania – the lead singer of this band is actually English. A pretty good song to boot as well.

Austria -well this one really is crap from a Celine Dion wannabe

Azerbaijan – the best thing I could say about this one is that it’s harmless, inoffensive and forgettable.

Slovenia – nice looking girl, not sure about the leather fingerless mitts though or the dress. In my opinion this is very much a mid table song; not a big winner and not a big loser.

Iceland – reminiscent of songs that won in the 70s. Is it me or does it have a whiff of Brotherhood Of Man’s “Save Your Kisses For Me”. Catwoman likes it though.

Spain – they say that the winner more often comes from the last five performances. If that’s the case this year this might be the one. Poppy, good beat, easy on the ear and very good Eurovision song. It looks like they’ll do better than the UK in Eurovision as well as the football world cup.

Ukraine – accompanied by a sand painter who won Ukraine’s Got Talent. He is good though, but what does he add to the song? As for the singer, why was she wearing dead chicken epaulettes. The artist was better!

Serbia – It’s like Eastern Europes version of Ready Steady Go, where is Cathy McGowan when you need her. But one of the best songs of the night, a really cool 60s vibe to it. Sign them up for the next Austin Powers movie!

Georgia – the rockiest song of the night, just not really a very good song the singer has a great voice though. But crap rap and the outfits looked like cast offs from the Tron movie.

As I said earlier I am typing this real time, so before all the scoring starts here is my prediction for the top 3. I would be very surprised if I am even close to being correct, but here goes anyway 1 – Spain, 2 – Russia, 3 – Serbia. Check the real results below.

And the winner is……….. <drum roll> ………………… Azerbaijan, definitely not one of my favourites. Italy were second and Sweden third. So none of my predictions were correct as I suspected. The UK finished in the top half of the table picking up a few votes from most countries. We were however just behind Ireland’s Jedward. Switzerland came last!

Take a look below at the video for the winning song “Running Scared” from Ell & Nikki

 

“Now hold on a minute before we go much further, give me a dime so I can phone my mother” April 17, 2011

Filed under: News — justwilliam1959 @ 3:36 pm
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Dizzee enjoyed dressing as an 18th Century poet whilst promenading with a powerful female. Thatcher hasnt aged well has she?

Hello people, I have some assorted bits of music related news for you in todays post. Some old, some new and some strange. Beginning with Dizzee Rascal, who according to the UK tabloid press has an addiction. But not to drugs, drink, sex or gambling, but to 18th century poets. He is very much into his Wordsworth, Byron, Blake and Keats. Mr Rascal, formerly known as Dylan Mills, is hoping that classical English poetry will have an influence on his next album. Sounds interesting doesn’t it? Read about it here in the soaraway Sun and be careful your phone isn’t tapped!

Simon makes one last appearance on Page Three before he departs for the USA

Most of you probably know that Simon Cowell will be leaving the UK version of X Factor to launch and take part in the US version. It still seems most likely that he will take Cheryl Cole with him, providing the Americans can understand her one assumes. My only wish is that the opportunity is taken to get rid of Louis Walsh. What do you think and also who would your ideal fantasy X Factor judging panel consist of? My vote would be Lily Allen, Keith Richards, Jeremy Paxman and Nick Clegg. The latter choice is largely because there should always be one idiot on the panel and surely he will be out of a job soon won’t he?

Clearly Liam was buzzing about the new Beady Eye Bee Side

You’ve probably all heard of the post Oasis band Beady Eye, which is basically Oasis without Noel. I have listened to their album and it’s not bad, it’s hardly ‘Definitely Maybe’  or ‘Morning Glory’ but it’s ok. Anyway this isn’t a review but a rather strange piece of news about Liam Gallagher. According to a report in the NME (click here to read it) he likes to warm up before he goes on stage by listening to Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy”, let’s pray he doesn’t do a cover version of it! What song do you use to get pumped up before work? For me it’s often “Complete Control” by the Clash or “Do Anything You Wanna Do” by the Rods.

Billie Joe auditions for a part in the new version of Snow White

Tom Hanks is currently preparing to produce a film adaptation of Green Day’s ‘American Idiot’ album. The director is likely to be Michael Mayer who was the director for the ‘American Idiot’ Broadway musical. Could this be this generation’s ‘Tommy’? Only time will tell. Click here to read the NME report. What album would you like to see turned into a film? I would definitely vote for David Bowie’s ‘Diamond Dogs’

And finally how small do you think the world’s smallest working guitar actually is? Well you’re probably wrong. It is in fact no bigger than a human blood cell and obviously impossible to be played in a conventional way. It has to be played by having lasers directed at the strings. Read more about the Nano Guitar in the Guardian by clicking here.

 

“And the future is certain, give us time to work it out” April 12, 2011

Filed under: Film,News,Observation — justwilliam1959 @ 10:51 pm
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OK I know i's not actually Friday today, but that's not really the point is it?

Just a few morsels of news for you with this post, ok for a couple of these ‘news’ might be stretching it and ‘olds’ might be a more apt description. Especially this first one. Many of you will have no doubt heard of Rebecca Black. She is the young lady who recently released what many consider to be one of the worst songs and worst videos ever. There has been an awful lot of nasty, vicious, vitriolic comment about her song. So other than saying I really don’t think the song or video are very good I will try not to add to what has already been said. The key thing that concerns me about this sad affair is that the poor girl recorded the song for a vanity music label; the Ark Music Factory. So now everyone can be a singer, just pay a few grand, or indeed get your parents to stump up the cash and you will get a song, a guest rapper, a vocoder and a naff video. sounds great doesn’t it? But surely you need talent as well? But in these days of X Factor and Idol that probably isn’t the case. Now that in my opinion is a really sad state of affairs. the one saving grace for Rebecca (apart from the millions of YouTube hits) is that the proceeds from any sales of her song “Friday” will go towards the earthquake relief in Japan. judge for yourself, if you haven’t already, by watching the video below. I would also love to hear your opinions on vanity record labels.

Talking Heads - Digging for Crist!

The BBC reported today that David Byrne off of the Talking Heads has settled his case against former Governor of Florida, Charlie Crist after the politician used the Talking Heads song “Road To Nowhere” to attack his opponent in the race for the senate. personally I am really pleased that Byrne took Crist on. What do you think? Read the story on the Beeb by clicking here.

Bono wonders whether he should have put his $558m in the hotel safe rather than trousered it in the pocket of his Speedos

It has now been confirmed that U2 have achieved the highest grossing tour ever with their 360° tour which began back in 2009. They still have 20 dates to go too, but they have already grossed $558 million. That even allows for missing a few dates, including Glasto last year, due to Mr Hewson’s back problems. Are they really worth it?

Dunc with Dad, Dame Dave

Richard Rich and Max Tannone have put together a brilliant free EP based on mixing hip hop sounds with the soundtrack to Duncan Jones (son of David Robert Jones) excellent movie ‘Moon’. Click here to download all the tracks. It’s called the Selene Project and has nothing to do with song strangler Celine Dion, it’s spelled very differently people!

Finally I was honoured to accompany the delectable Catwoman (aka Catherine Lee, my fiancée) to the studios of Radio York on Saturday where live on air she reviewed the newspapers. Once again she did an excellent job, you can still hear the show for three more days by clicking on Radio York’s Julia Booth’s page here. You can also check out the website for her excellent Virtual Assistant company, Kaleidoscope Business Services by clicking here and she would also love you to comment on her rather spiffing series of blogs.

 

“They think they’ll get to heaven through the universe” – Brit Awards 2011 February 15, 2011

Filed under: News — justwilliam1959 @ 10:23 pm
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So this years Brits have undergone yet another revamp and moved to the O2 Arena as well. It is now designed to build up to a finale of the announcement of the Best British Album, with each nominee introducing their album in little vignettes throughout the show. I guess it’s based around the Oscars where the whole spectacle concludes with the Best Film Awards. Even the actual award has had a makeover too, thanks to Vivienne Westwood. With Viv involved it seems weird that the Brits effectively started at the height of punk and it was all black ties and very formal and Cliff Richard was the winner of Best British Male Vocalist, oh how times have changed, well mostly anyway.

The show was kicked off by Take That with “Kidz”. I hate to say it but even with Robbie back in the ranks I quite like them. The performance was good and the boys were surrounded by riot police dancers who stripped at the end. Maybe there’s a lesson for the police the next time they are called out to student protests. But did anyone else think that a couple of the ‘That were wearing incontinence pants?

Hosted by James Corden, personally I’m not sure about that choice I have never really found him either funny or exciting. First award was for Best British Male presented by Dizzee Rascal, last years winner, to Plan B. Now that was a good choice, the ‘Defamation Of Strickland Banks’ is a killer album.

Another live performance came next, it was the abundantly talented Adele, boy that girl has got a superb voice. She sang “Someone Like You” accompanied just by a pianist. It’s hard to believe that she is so young. Now that’s what you call real singing, are you listening Cheryl Cole? It was a brilliant example of how talented a lone singer can be, but did they have to shower her with all that silver snow/ confetti?

Now that interlude of James Corden speaking to Justin Bieber was weird. James telling Justin how wonderful he smelled. Is that grooming? (Yes I know you could read that two ways!) It was left to Fearne Cotton presenting the Best British Breakthrough Artist award to take that awful scene out of my mind. The winner was Tinie Tempah, apparently Prince Harry and Prince William are fans!

International Album was presented by none other than German Musical Superstar………..errrr Boris Becker. Anyone for Tennis? It was justly won by Arcade Fire with ‘The Suburbs’. They gave a fantastic name check to British acts; Clash, Bowie, Culture Club, New Order, Depeche Mode.

And now we have Rihanna who started her medley set from behind what could have been a giant shower curtain or giant grass skirt. The hair matched the dress, but did the collar match the cuffs? 😉 We came close to finding out as she removed the dress pretty damned quickly! Maybe not everything but the kitchen sink, but Burundi style drummers and wait……. was that the Olympic flame? Oh and another thing, now that’s what you call real dancing, are you watching Cheryl Cole?

Mark Ronson was there to present the Critics Choice Award, was he dressed like an Accountant or was it just me? I don’t mean that I was dressed like an Accountant, obviously! Don’t you think his hair was like a ski slope? Well even more obviously no surprise that the winner was Jessie J, as this was one of the awards that was announced some while in advance of the ceremony itself. The fourth woman to win that award and she didn’t blub….. but only just!

One of the nominees for best album were the next band on stage, it was Mumford And Sons. It’s no wonder they’re so big in America is it? They look like hicks and hillbillies; mind you they were bloody good at the Reading Festival last year. Who wears cowboy hats or truckers caps in this country, which just puts my flat cap to shame really!

To present the International Male Award we had yet another musical superstar; Lewis Hamilton…..errrr how many albums has he had then? The award gave Cee Lo Green his first ever Brit. Now that’s a big “Fuck You” to all the previous voters, they won’t “Forget You” next time Cee Lo. A brilliant choice in my opinion. He gave a great shout to Boy George too. Nice to see all the Johnny Foreigners thanking the Brits this time around. I’m not xenophobic ok, I’m just an archetypal arrogant Brit! Well actually I’m not really, I am a Brit but I don’t think I’m arrogant or even archetypal, although I’m sure some might disagree!

What was the Best British Single then, it was presented by Alan Carr, is it me or does his voice really grate on you? It was also voted for by fans, so that should mean a good choice right? Well it was a good choice, it was Tinie Tempah with “Pass Out” It could have been so much worse with all those X Factor related nominees.

What the F*ck am I doing here?

Two blokes off of Duran Duran presented the Best International Group award to the magnificent Arcade Fire. What can one say? Flipping heck another good choice, this revamp has done wonders for giving the right people the awards too.

Plan B was the next live performer. Show stopping set and dancing, a tight band. It was like a modern version of the old Motown or Stax Revues. Were those Police left over from the Take That performance? Of course they were, the Riot Squad were there again. It’s one thing infiltrating eco-activists, but this level of police intrusion is so far beyond subtle it’s off the bloody scale! What about the dude that was set aflame? Was that a tribute to the recently deceased Johnny Storm aka the Human Torch off of the Fantastic Four? Check out issue number 587 of the World’s Greatest Comic magazine for more info on that one people!

Avril Lavigne and Will Young combined to present the next award, now that is a novel but strange pairing. It was International Breakthrough Act and was won by Justin Bieber, well I suppose it couldn’t all go my way could it. Still at least it wasn’t the Glee Cast was it? Still the boy done good bearing in mind he is not quite seventeen yet.

Best British Female Solo award was present by Georg O’Dowd aka Boy George, isn’t it about time he upgraded to Man George? Deservedly won by the beautiful talent that is Laura Marling. She was followed by a brilliant performance from Arcade Fire with “Ready To Start”. Are these guys one of the best bands on the planet right now? I think so and it always looks like they’re really enjoying themselves too.

Now that’s what I call presenting an award, are you watching Cheryl Cole? Ooops no you’re not, you’re actually presenting the damned thing for Best International Female. It went to Cheryl’s ‘Girl Crush’ (hmmmm interesting in a pervy kind of way); Rihanna in a big white dress with roses….. they grow on you!

Tinie Tempah took to the stage next and frankly he did it like he owned the thing. Great performance and bloody good laser show to boot. The stage was full of Tinie lookalikes, how about a spoofed version of Eminem, anyone for ‘The Real Tinie Tempah’? This dude is a really top bloke in my humble opinion. Move over Mr Rascal and make way for Mr Tempah. Are the organisers of the Reading Festival watching? How about Tinie Tempah on the afternoon bill on the Main Stage Saturday or Sunday, it’s worked well for Dizzee before hasn’t it?

Dermot O’Leary off of the X Factor (amongst Others) no less was on hand to present the Award for Best British Group. It went to Take That. It pains me to say that with their current album I actually like some music that Robbie is involved in. I must be ill in the head. Robbie was his usual nonsensical arse with just a couple of shouts of ‘Shabba’ thankfully leaving the other boys to do most of the talking and thanking.

So then came the grand finale the Best British Album Award, presented by Rock God Roger Daltrey off of the Who. He said that he thought that Plan B’s set had made him reminisce of the early days of the Who,(was he serious?) but sadly the award didn’t go to him, it went to Mumford And Sons, still not a bad choice.

The show was closed by the mighty, magnificent Cee Lo Green with “Forget You”. A great tune but I kind of wish he had done the original ‘naughty’ version! A great singer none the less. So that is as they say it for this years Brits. I will be back with other posts before the 2012 Brits so feel free to keep reading my blog now that you’ve found you’re way here. I bet you’re relieved that I have got to the end of a whole post with no mention of Lady Gaga……….DOH!

The good, the bad and the untalented!