With Just A Hint Of Mayhem

This post comes with a strong health warning attached, it contains some seriously CRAP songs!

Last month the AOL Radio Blog published their list of the 100 Worst Songs Ever, obviously this has caused a massive amount of debate. It is all based on opinion after all and there are definitely some entries I don’t agree with. Personally I would have liked to have seen many of Robbie Williams’ songs in there. Click here to see the whole list and if you can’t be bothered I have repeated the top 10 below. I would love to know what your worst songs ever are too? Use the comments function to let me and all the other readers know your choices.

1 “(It’s Time To) Beat Dat Beat” DJ Pauly D – I must confess until I came upon this list I had never heard of this song. Basically this guy seems to be a product of the ‘Jersey Shore’ TV show from the US. Well let’s face it, TV spin offs are often rubbish aren’t they and this is no exception, although I’m not sure it should be in the top ten, there are far worse songs out there. Just picture Anita Dobson singing “Anyone Can Fall In Love” to the Eastenders theme tune or Nick Berry (also off of Eastenders) with “Every Loser Wins“. I wonder what Brian May thought of Anita’s song?

2 “Who Let The Dogs Out?” Baha Men – I certainly agree with this one being in the list, I really dislike this song. Apparently when Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice went into the players lounge at Old Trafford on one occasion when Goldenballs was still at Manchester United she and her entourage sang this to Jordan who was there because she was dating Andy Cole at the time. I’m not sure what Jordan responded with, but perhaps a mention of the fact that Posh Victoria is the only Spice Girl that has never had a solo number one in the UK would have been good!

3 “Ice Ice Baby” Vanilla Ice– So Ice always claimed that the bass line in this awful song was never ripped off from Bowie and Queen’s “Under Pressure”, does he think we’re stupid? This is the song which could have been the still birth of white rap, thankfully it wasn’t and Eminem rectified the crap that Vanilla Ice put out. Appropriately enough this was recently covered by the equally talentless X Factor pop muppets, Jedward and Vanilla Ice actually guested on it!That surely is some bad Karma isn’t it?

4 “She Bangs” Ricky Martin – I don’t thing I really agree with this one being here. It’s not my favourite song, nor is it as good as “Living La Vida Loca” but it’s ok. Ricky came to prominence as part of a Puerto Rican Boy Band, Menudo. Their policy was to replace the boys in the band when one of the following event’s happened; 1) Their voice broke, 2) They became too tall or 3) they reached the age of 16. As far as I know Ricky is the only Menudo old boy to achieve such massive success.

5 “Barbie Girl” – Aqua – Does anyone like this song? It’s awful and frankly somewhat pervy in places too. Mattel, who own the rights to Barbie took Aqua and MCA Records to court claiming that the song infringed their copyright and turned Barbie into a sex object. The song’s lyrics refer to Barbie as a ‘blonde bimbo’. Mattel lost the case as the song was deemed to be a genuine parody. The song topped the chart in at least 13 countries worldwide and even made it into the US top 10.

6 “U Can’t Touch This” MC Hammer – Well if you can get past his ridiculous fashion sense with those voluminous trousers then this isn’t too bad is it? The song heavily samples from Rick James’ “Super Freak“. Hammer went on to become a preacher in the 90s.

7 “I Am Woman” – Helen Reddy – Reddy was born in 1941 in Australia. She says that she wrote this song because she felt that there were no songs that reflected what the women’s liberation movements were trying to achieve. It went on to become a massive success in 1972 reaching number 1 in the US Chart. It isn’t one of my favourites, but I fail to see how it ended up in this list. Actually I always loved her song “Angie Baby”

8 “I’m Too Sexy” Right Said Fred – A formulaic disco song, sung by two shaven-headed/ bald well toned brothers; Richard and Fred Fairbrass. They had the classically stereotypical gay man look and I wonder whether this image was partly cultivated to broaden their market. This song smacks to me of being a classic one hit wonder. But strangely enough they went on to have quite a few hits, including a UK number one with “Deeply Dippy“. Meanwhile “I’m Too Sexy” actually reached number one in the US. The guys took their name from the Bernard Cribbins hit “Right Said Fred”

9 “Ebony And Ivory” Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder – Paul was never my favourite Beatle and I’ve always loved Stevie, so when I read about this before it’s release I was quite excited. But then I heard it. Let’s face it, it’s crap isn’t it? Should be filed along with McCartney’s “Frog Chorus – We All Stand Together” and Stevie Wonder’s “I Just Called To say I Love You” and these two songs are so bad I think that they are actually bettered by “Ebony And Ivory”

10 “Macarena” Los Del Rio – This is one of those songs that no matter how much you hate it, it gets into your head and you just can’t get rid of it. I really dislike this tune and the stupid dance that goes with it.

In the 70’s Kenny Everett hosted a UK Radio Show called “Kenny Everett’s World’s Worst Record Show” featuring many truly atrocious recordings including “This Pullover” Jess Conrad.

My own worst song ever tends to vary depending upon my mood, however I nearly always goe back to “Billy Don’t Be A Hero” by Paper Lace or “Agadoo” by Black Lace or even “Angels” by Robbie Williams.