The football (that’ll be soccer to my friends from across the big pond) world cup has begun and as an English man so has the pain of supporting my team for however long they last in the tournament. At least this time around it seems like the expectations on the England team are far less than they have been for many years. They could never play any worse than they did in South Africa in 2010 either could they? Brazil, the hosts, won the opening match 3 -1 last night against a very, very unlucky Croatia team. Can England do the same to Italy on Saturday night? I hope so, but having mostly painfully watched England in the World Cup (and European Championships) since those heady days of 1966 I worry! is football coming home? Perhaps not but let’s at least hope that it gets’ a very late bus. sadly I have a small bet with someone at work that England will fail to get past the group stage this time around. I would love to lose that bet. anyway to celebrate before England play their first game here are a few England and Football related songs for you. The first one is from Rik Mayall who sadly died earlier this week. My thoughts go to his family, friends and fans.
If you would like to read my post on England relating to the 2010 World Cup click here.
I don’t often issue public health warnings on this blog, in fact this may be the first one that I have ever done. I need to make you aware that something which could severely damage your ears and your hearing will be happening in November. Those with little taste will be most susceptible to damage and there will be millions who are already beyond help. It is with great regret that I announce the release date of the new Wand Erection album. It will be called ‘Midnight Memories’; if only the band were just memories. It will be followed with a stadium tour in 2014 including 5 dates in the UK.
Given that some pathetic internet trolls have previously targeted members of the band with vile and abusive posts I find it somewhat unsavoury and sadly ironic that many of One Direction’s less intelligent fans are resorting to exactly the same bullying kind of language. My advice to those poor deluded souls is to chill out and laugh it off. Gabby has already apologised for upsetting poor little Louis. There are far, far worse things going on in the world. I wish no harm to the members of Wand Erection, although as a music fan I do hope that their career doesn’t last too much longer. Oops…… maybe I just made myself a target! :-0
Of course don’t forget that the One Direction film is now showing at cinemas. It’s called ‘This Is Us’, which is an anagram of ‘Us Is Shit’!
It may have passed some of you by but we are in the middle of the European Football Championships, better known as Euro 2012. Against the majority of expectations my national team, England have not only progressed beyond the group stage they actually won their group as well. Putting France into second place and eliminating one of the host nations, Ukraine.
Later today England play Italy for a semi final place where the winners of todays game will play Germany. I believe that England can win today. However recent history says that if we do and then go on to play Germany in the semi final the game will go to extra time and Germany will win the penalty shoot out. Just like at the Italia ’90World Cup and on our home turf in Euro ’96. Obviously I would love for ‘football to come home’ and for us to beat the Italians, the Germans and whoever awaits us in the final. But it’s now 46 years since we won a major tournament. Is this our time? Well my fingers are crossed and so far the team have been light years better than their disastrous showing at the South Africa World Cup back in 2010 so who knows.
How many of you can actually remember this? I can, but I was only 7 at the time
So let’s cheer the team on with the first hit England song, the most heartfelt England song and in my opinion the best England song. All three of which went to number one in the UK charts. ENGERLAND, ENGERLAND, ENGERLAND….. repeat until you lose your voice!
As always there will probably be a glut football songs to go with England‘s likely embarrassment in the Euro 2012 tournament in Poland and the Ukraine this summer. But whilst this bunch of millionaire losers fail on the fields of eastern Europe there will at least be a, possibly, credible anthem to listen to while you mock them. According to the NMENew Order (without Hooky I assume) may be re-recording 1990’s “World In Motion” with Tinie Tempah and Dizzee Rascal.
Finally Lampard felt comfortable in the midfield hole
Nothing is certain yet, other than perhaps England falling flat on their rich pathetic faces. Unless of course they bring in ‘Arry. But I have always liked the song. As footie tunes go it’s top class. I presume that Tinie or Dizzee will fill the slot where the original John Barnes rap was. The alternative would be to get one of the players, many of whom can barely string a conversation together, to do it. John Terry for example ‘I’m over the moon cos I’m on football tune. I’m a racialist and I like to get pissed. I’ve shagged Wayne Bridge‘s bird and I like dirty words. That disabled space is mine and I won’t pay the fine. I’ve played real crap and I really can’t rap. I’m Captain of Engerland and I’m………. errr no I’m not anymore am I? Oh bollocks!’
In the meantime enjoy the original version and click here if you want to read the story on the NME.
John Terry tries to tell the world he's a right tit, but he can't get that right either!
Apologies up front but this is another rant from me. What is it with FIFA? The latest pathetic activity from them is to ban the England players from having a Poppy on their shirts for the friendly match with Spain on Saturday. Apparently it would be in breach of their rule that players’ equipment (which includes the shirt) should not carry any religious, political, commercial or personal slogans. I’d like to know which one of these the wearing of a Poppy would break. It is a symbol to commemorate and remember those who died not only in the First and Second World wars but all of those who have died in active service in the armed forces.
Not listening, not listening, not listening....
The Poppy is worn in up to 120 countries, although in some of those mostly by expatriates. But other countries have a symbol to commemorate their war dead in a similar way. In France for example it is the Blue Cornflower. England will have Poppies on their training and warm up kit which will then be auctioned for charity, they will also wear black armbands for the match. Additionally FIFA have allowed a minute’s silence before the game. Forgive me but what the fuck has a minute’s silence before a football game got to do with FIFA?
FIFA are in fact a charity. A very rich and most likely (the proof is out there I’m sure!) very corrupt organisation. Sepp Blatter’s promise to make the organisation more transparent after recent scandals seems to have made everything even more opaque. Including awarding business contracts to companies owned or partly owned by his nephew. Personally I think Blatter makes Berlusconi look like an angel. Even forgetting the World Cup hosting bid from England how the hell did they manage to award the 2022 tournament to Qatar? It’s too hot, has an atrocious human rights record and frankly is hardly a hot bed of world football.
Here’s an interesting recent fact about the charity that is FIFA. One of its less well off members, Mauritius, had a cash shortfall of some £42,000 which meant that they were unable to travel to or organise their World Cup qualification games. How did the caring, sharing charity that is FIFA respond to this? They disqualified them from the competition, probably completely within the letter of the regulations. But wouldn’t the charitable thing to do be to bail them out? After all FIFA are sitting on cash assets in the region of £800 million. But I guess they need that for their next all expenses paid junket or their Christmas party. Thinking of Christmas like to recycle my Festive Fir Tree every year and I think next time I’d like to recycle it by shoving it right up Blatters backside!
It's about time he got a red card!
Having just finished writing this post I have now heard that FIFA have offered a compromise solution; England will be allowed to show a Poppy on their black armbands. What’s the difference between a Poppy on the shirt and one on the armband? Not a lot in my opinion and this another example of FIFAs inept style of management. Should you ever have a piss up in a brewery do not let FIFA anywhere near the organising committee!
Anyway let me wind down the rant just a bit and what better way to finish this post than with a song about the famous football match between British and German soldiers one Christmas during the First World War.
Regular readers will know that I have posted about this subject before, click here to read it. Anyway another blogger has gone somewhat further than me and has set up a UK government e-petition entitled ‘Make Kate Bush‘s “Oh England My Lionheart” the new English National Anthem’. That song was one of the choices on my original post. So I would like you to go to the petition site and sign it. Click here to do so. Unless of course you like the British national anthem? Surely you don’t do you? Anyway only 100, 000 signatures are needed before the government have to consider it, so what are you waiting for? You know what you need to do; England expects and all that.
If you’d like to check out Steve’s original post on the subject click here. The rest of his blog is pretty damned good too, frankly anyone who is a Kate Bush fan and a comic fan is someone I couldn’t fail to like. Here is Kate with said song. Listen and sign people, you know it makes sense!
I had a rather strange journey into work today. Usually I can drive to work in between 50 and 75 minutes depending on the time of day and
the time of year. However, this morning having left home at 6.40am and with the knowledge that schools are still closed for holiday I thought I might beat the 50 minute barrier. I probably would have done too had it not been for those pesky JCBs. At various stages of the journey I was stuck behind a different JCB on four separate occasions. It still only took me 65 minutes in the end, not bad I suppose.
But three JCBs in one journey, how did that happen? Is there a big JCB rally in Yorkshire? Are JCBs going to provide stage props for Muse
headlining at the Leeds Festival? Perhaps the police will be using JCBs as a secret weapon against any future rioters and looters. But then again maybe the rioters and looters have stolen a bunch of JCBs to help them carry home more swag when then have their next looting spree.
Have any of you been held up by more JCBs than me? Have you had any really bizarre vehicles holding you up on your journey? I would love to
hear from you.
Anyway in keeping with the purpose of this blog I have selected a few, hopefully, related songs for your pleasure;
“The JCB Song” – Nizlopi (He’s not 5 and I’m not Bruce Lee, but he is Luke so this one is for my son and my daughter Lauren, maybe we will meet again some day!)
After nearly 6 years I am finally moving to a job with a relatively normal commute. In my new role, which begins on 30th June, I will be enjoying a 50 minute drive at each end of the day as opposed to a two-hour train journey, 90 minutes on a stinking tube train, various flights and hotels (some good and some bad). However I should say that my accommodation since January whilst working in London has been at my Mum’s place and it knocks every business hotel I’ve stayed in right into the shade. Great food, great service and more importantly some real quality time with my Mum. The latter is something which I don’t believe too many of us get at this age (I’m fiftysomething in case you wondered!) I have thanked my mum personally already, however I thought I’d also like to do the same in blog ink. Mum I can’t thank you enough for putting me up and putting up with me all this time. I suppose I could be talking about a lot longer than just the last few months as well couldn’t I? Anyway staying with my Mum is almost certainly the only thing I will miss about not working in London. I sure as hell won’t miss the Tube which quite frankly is a disgusting method of transport; often unreliable and pretty damned smelly as well. Does it really have to be like that? Personally I don’t think so, but sadly it is. Bob Crowe and his cronies don’t help either with their pathetic and all too frequent strikes. Bob you most be one of the few people in the country that would lose an election against Nick Clegg. You’re a complete arse, wise up and get a conscience you moron and go back to your village, they want their idiot back. You’re giving imbeciles a bad name.
OK rant over now it’s time to get back to some job and transport related music (and one for my Mum), because after all this is a music blog!
Of all the expected stars in this years football World Cup it was perhaps a rather unexpected and left field star that caught the attention of the world. Who was that? None other than score predictor extraordinaire, Paul The Octopus. I am sad to report that Paul passed away this week at the ripe old age of two and a half, which is apparently a good age for an octopus.
The conspiracy theorists are already at work in suggesting that the real Paul died just before the World Cup Final and an imposter has been in his place since then. The management of the OberhausenSea Life Centre in Germany have denied that there ever was a fake Paul. Fake or otherwise Paul certainly displayed far more talent than England, France and Italy combined!
Whilst he was a German resident, Paul was actually born in Weymouth in England. I’m sure he would have played with more pride in the England shirt than any of the World Cup squad did (or should that read World Cup Squid?). Perhaps he was in the process of signing for Manchester City, they seem to buy up anyone in football that is successful and gets a lot of press. With eight tentacles he would surely make a good goalkeeper
Obviously with this being a music blog I can only really finish with one song can’t I? yes it’s “Octopus’s Garden” from the Beatles classic ‘Abbey Road‘ album. Although not the last album they released it was the last one they ever recorded.