With Just A Hint Of Mayhem

Music reviews, gig reviews, fun trivia and extra added random stuff!

“There’s a fine line drawing my senses together and I think it’s about to break” November 2, 2012


Does anyone fancy some stuffed Anaconda? Really? Well it’s quite mature, maybe 120 years and will only set you back £10,000. That’s a bargain if I ever saw one. Anyway I’m not talking about some strange delicacy to be eaten, I’m referring to Albert the stuffed Anaconda who lives in the Ansel Library at the Foreign Office in London. Well, when I say lives I really mean that he is hung from the wall. He has been dead for some time. He’s not just resting, he is indeed and ex Anaconda.

Albert was a gift to the Foreign and Commonwealth Office some time in the late 1800s after he had received the full services of a taxidermist. Albert was allegedly presented by a bishop, in what is now Guyana, to the Colonial Secretary sometime in the 19th Century. As such he is in fact a Foreign Office asset and therefore need to be maintained. This news came to light following a request by the Guido Fawkes website via the Freedom of Information Act.

In my opinion this money could easily have been spent somewhere else and Albert could have been scrapped, buried or given a seat in parliament. I find it incredible that in these times of austerity so much money could have been spent on a dead snake! We are living in a time where budgets are constricted with venom and politicians are rattled! Did the cabinet hold a COBRA meeting? What do you think of stuffed Albert? Could we not have made a few pairs of shoes for the homeless from Albert’s skin or bailed out our local Greek kebab shop?

Click here to read the story of Albert on the BBC. Of course this is a music blog so please enjoy a few snake related songs;

Ignore the scumbag at the start of this next clip

 

“‘Cause he’s a scumbag, don’t you know I said he’s a scumbag, don’t you know!” October 23, 2012


Last year I posted about the death of Jimmy Saville as did many people. At the time I felt that he had been a bit of an eccentric but now it is clear that he was a cowardly paedophile scumbag. In the last few weeks I have had thousands of people searching for Saville arriving at my blog. I just want to make it clear that I have no respect for him and the only feelings I have for him are that he died before he could be tried. If there is such a place I hope he rots in hell.

As usual the downfall of a celebrity brings about a whole range of jokes about that person, usually derivatives of those that have been used for others. One of the many that I have seen was “The Vatican has revealed that Jimmy Saville was only two sexual assaults from getting his own parish!” Now that one did appeal to my sick sense of humour. However what I read earlier on a BBC profile of Scumbag Saville, who was a lifelong Roman Catholic, was that 22 years ago “Pope John Paul II made Saville  a Knight Commander of the Order of Saint Gregory the Great . This particular honour is also called a papal knighthood“. So maybe that joke wasn’t too far from the truth after all. What do you think of what appears to be the real Jimmy Saville?

Clearly paedos hunt in packs! I hope Glitter is shitting himself now!

 

“You see I spy for a living and I specialise in revenge” September 14, 2012


Many of my regular readers will know that I am not a big fan of the institution of the British Royal family. However I am a big supporter of an individuals right to privacy. I felt that it was fundamentally wrong for one of our most scummy tabloid newspapers, the Sun, to print the naked pictures of Prince Harry recently. Especially as their sleaze-bag owner Rupert Murdoch agreed with his equally sleazy editor, Kelvin McKenzie that it was ‘in the public interest’. Now that a French magazine has published some topless shots of Kate Windsor I wonder if the Sun will do the same? Their definition of ‘public interest’ must surely relate to topless shots of the future Queen? Or have the scum at the Sun finally found some morals? I doubt it, they’re probably just scared of a backlash and a drop in sales.

This is a newspaper which has been proven to have lied on many occasions before, including Hillsborough and phone hacking so clearly they are not the best moral barometer are they? Anyway back to these paparazzi pictures of Kate. They were supposedly taken by a long-range telephoto lens while the Royal couple were on a private holiday in France. In my opinion this is a perverted Peeping Tom approach, pure and simple. If that photographer had done the same thing at my house or yours he would and should be arrested in my opinion. The editor of the French magazine Closer (nothing to do with the UK magazine of the same name incidentally) claims that is no different to what you might see on many beaches across Europe. That much may be true, however how would women relaxing topless on a beach feel if some scummy bloke took pictures of them and published those pictures without their permission? Indeed what if someone did it to the French editor. Incidentally I have not seen the pictures and I will not be wasting time searching for them. What do you people think of this issue?

 

“You won’t call and you won’t admit the lies you spin for your power trip” September 7, 2012

Filed under: News,Rants — justwilliam1959 @ 8:36 pm
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If I had lost my job would I be in line for a royal honour? Probably not, unless of course I had been a member of Call Me Dave and Bad Egg Clegg’s cabinet. Apparently a number of people who were shuffled towards the exit during Cameron‘s recent reshuffle are likely to be recommended to receive an honour in the Queen’s New Years Honours list.

Personally I really dislike this whole honours system anyway and in the remote likelihood I was ever offered one I would turn it down. But to effectively get one for being made redundant because presumably your performance could have been better, that really sucks the big one doesn’t it? Click here to read the BBC report on this blatant act of nepotism. Am I the only person who is a bit perplexed and annoyed by this? I’d love to know what you think.

But of course this is a music blog, so I thought I’d let you hear a song that has a cryptic message about what I think of the majority of politicians. At the risk of sounding like Rolf Harris; ‘can you guess what it is yet?’

 

“‘Svobodu Pussy Riot” August 3, 2012


I am sure that by now many of you are aware of the plight of Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, Mariya Alekhina and Yekaterina Samutsevich from the Russian punk band Pussy Riot. The three women are now on trial in Russia on charges of hooliganism motivated by religious hatred or hostility. In effect what they did back in February this year was to perform an anti Putin song (a one minute punk prayer) in Moscow’s Christ the Saviour CathedralRussian Orthodox church. I suspect that the underlying charge is that they simply pissed off Vladimir Putin, who clearly has an ego the size of a small planet. His behaviour in my opinion makes it seem that glasnost never existed.

One of the many things I love about being a Brit is my right to exercise free speech, which is really all Pussy Riot were doing. Clearly free speech doesn’t exist for Putin, unless it’s him speaking! A group of western rock musicians have written to the Times this week to ask Putin to make sure that the three members of Pussy Riot get a fair trial. they could face up to seven years in jail for their ‘so called’ offence.

I would like to take this opportunity to applaud all the signatories of the letter who include; Jarvis Cocker, Pete Townshend, Martha Wainwright, Neil Tennant (off of the Pet Shop Boys) former Smith Johnny Marr, Kate Nash, Corinne Bailey Rae, Alex Kapronos (off of Franz Ferdinand), Cornershop and The Joy Formidable. I urge you to write to the press, your politicians and Putin himself to protest against this travesty of justice. Alternatively pop along to the nearest Russian Embassy and play your collection of  Sham 69, Angelic Upstarts and Bikini Kill tunes at maximum volume until they see sense. Why those three artists? well Pussy Riot have referred to them as some of their many influences.

In a Levada poll 43% of Russians said that they thought the potential punishments wer far too harsh whilst only 17% said that the punishments fit the crimes. I presume that means that 40% are either too stupid or too scared to have an opinion or they are related to Putin. How can you trust a man who clearly plays the system in any way he can to make sure he stays in charge indefinitely. On top of that he has allegedly had Botox injections to keep his ‘youthful’ appearance along with his unappealing habit of stripping to the waist to show how masculine he is! The old story of the Emperor’s New Clothes springs to mind here!

Maybe he needs to get Pussy Riot to record his entry music

In a rough translation of their one minute punk prayer Pussy Riot apparently said something like’ pray to the mother of god to chase Putin out’ . They also allegedly changed the words to a christian hymn from ‘holy, holy, holy, Lord God’ to ‘ shit, shit, shit of Lord God’ So I say to Mr Putin ‘Svobodu Pussy Riot’, embrace the modern world, promote freedom honestly, stop being a bully and do it now! Otherwise I believe you will be chased out, probably not by the mother of god but certainly by the majority of the Russian people!

Anthony Kiedis shows his support for Pussy Riot

 

“Arrivederci it’s one on one” February 27, 2012


As always there will probably be a glut football songs to go with England‘s likely embarrassment in the Euro 2012 tournament in Poland and the Ukraine this summer. But whilst this bunch of millionaire losers fail on the fields of eastern Europe there will at least be a, possibly, credible anthem to listen to while you mock them. According to the NME New Order (without Hooky I assume) may be re-recording 1990’s “World In Motion” with Tinie Tempah and Dizzee Rascal.

Finally Lampard felt comfortable in the midfield hole

Nothing is certain yet, other than perhaps England falling flat on their rich pathetic faces. Unless of course they bring in ‘Arry. But I have always liked the song. As footie tunes go it’s top class. I presume that Tinie or Dizzee will fill the slot where the original John Barnes rap was. The alternative would be to get one of the players, many of whom can barely string a conversation together, to do it. John Terry for example ‘I’m over the moon cos I’m on football tune. I’m a racialist and I like to get pissed. I’ve shagged Wayne Bridge‘s bird and I like dirty words. That disabled space is mine and I won’t pay the fine. I’ve played real crap and I really can’t rap. I’m Captain of Engerland and I’m………. errr no I’m not anymore am I? Oh bollocks!’

In the meantime enjoy the original version and click here if you want to read the story on the NME.

John Terry tries to tell the world he's a right tit, but he can't get that right either!

 

“She knew all about their violent hormones their cheap perfumes” January 18, 2012


Now I am really not the kind of person who is favour of formal attire in fact I dislike formal wear immensely. I suppose that this comes partly from having to wear a suit and tie to work every day for most of my working life. Even now in our supposedly modern and enlightened world I still have to wear a tie to work. Why is this? What is the purpose of a neck tie? As far as I can tell it’s just a coloured or patterned piece of material that is tied around the neck for decoration. Does it keep my shirt buttoned? No. Does it keep me warm? No. Does it increase my intelligence? No. Does it sometimes act as a bib and catch food spillages when I eat my lunch? Actually yes it does!

Anyway I hear that the organisers of Royal Ascot are introducing more stringent dress codes for this years event. Click here to read the story on the BBC website. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-berkshire-16607875 I won’t bore you with all the details as there is only one part that really interests me. You may know that I am a dedicated fascinator hater. I just don’t understand the purpose of those pathetic arty farty constructions that women plonk on their head. Either get a proper hat or wear nothing on your head. Ladies fascinators make you look simple and stupid. (In my opinion at least). well the good news is that fascinators will be banned from the royal enclosure this year, however women must wear a hat. Men must wear a waistcoat and tie, cravats will not be permitted. But let’s face it cravats are a little poncey aren’t they?

So whilst I am pleased that Royal Ascot has banned the fascinator in the royal enclosure I am disappointed that they haven’t banned it completely. aside from that would I really want to attend a function that is so rigorous about telling me what I can and can’t wear? Not particularly. When I attend the likes of the Reading Festival I can wear whatever the hell I want; A Dead Kennedys T Shirt, a Cheeky Girls hoodie, a Prince Charles mask, a Doctor Doom badge or shorts with ‘fuck you, you fucking fuck’ emblazoned across the back. (As an aside here’s a competition for you, I have in fact once worn one of those items at the Reading Festival, can you guess which one? Mr Horslen you’re not allowed to enter as you were with me at the time)

So now I have had my formal wear rant and spread the good news about at least a step in the right direction with regard to the fascinator how about some music? This is a music blog after all isn’t it? So I thought I would choose some fascinator  songs and artists for you. I must confess that I’ve heard none of these tunes before now. I hope that you enjoy them and feel free to suggest others.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw_KCrurVhc

 

“With your bonuses and expenses you shovelled down your throat. Now you bit the hand that fed you Dear God I hope you choke” January 3, 2012


I’d like to thank my friend Stuart O’Hara for suggesting the theme of this post. Edwyn Collins once said ‘too many protest singers, not enough protest songs’. Strangely that was a lyric from his 90s hit “A Girl Like You” which doesn’t seem to be a protest song itself. That dear reader is the thrust of this blog post; where are all the protest singers and protest songs? The world economy is collapsing, riot and revolution is rife, wars and indiscriminate bombings are commonplace and UK politics is at best inept and the USA is trillions of dollars in debt and dancing with the idea of electing an idiotic republican candidate far more stupid than even Dubya was. So where are all the protests from the music world?

Aside from the fact that a legitimate protest song would probably not get played on mainstream radio and would need to ‘go viral’ on-line, where the hell are they? Where are this generation’s Woody Guthries, Pete Seegers, Bob Dylans and Billy Braggs? OK I know there have been a few good attempts since the Specials summed up Britain in song in 1981 with “Ghost Town”. Notably “Killing In The Name Of” from Rage Against The Machine and perhaps “American Idiot” from Green Day. But what happened to the establishment/ ‘the man’ being scared of rock music? It’s all become too corporate and bland.

U2 and Coldplay have tried to use their muscle to protest against various wrongs in the world, but frankly are their hearts really in it? Radiohead have supported the free Tibet campaign amongst others, but could they do more? Dylan is getting too old, Bragg doesn’t have the fanbase size required (but is still flying the flag), Springsteen and Weller have been quiet of late on the protest front and Marvin Gaye, Marley, Lennon and Strummer are sadly no longer with us.

The environment must be right for a new movement to shake up the old order just like punk did in the 70s and rave and grunge did in the 80s and 90s. The charts are stuffed full of manipulated, impresario created pop muppets; Little Mix, Matt Cardle, Olly Murs etc. It is time to stand up and be counted good people of the blogosphere. We need some strong protest songs to unite all those fighting for freedom and change. Let’s shake up that complacent bunch of career politicians in Westminster and political ivory towers across the world. Frank Turner, Show Of Hands, Neil Young you can do this we need you now! Will somebody please step forward?

In the meantime here are some classic protest songs. I would love to hear your opinions of protest songs and singers;

 

“When they joined together and decided not to fight” November 9, 2011


Apologies up front but this is another rant from me. What is it with FIFA? The latest pathetic activity from them is to ban the England players from having a Poppy on their shirts for the friendly match with Spain on Saturday. Apparently it would be in breach of their rule that players’ equipment (which includes the shirt) should not carry any religious, political, commercial or personal slogans. I’d like to know which one of these the wearing of a Poppy would break. It is a symbol to commemorate and remember those who died not only in the First and Second World wars but all of those who have died in active service in the armed forces.

Not listening, not listening, not listening....

The Poppy is worn in up to 120 countries, although in some of those mostly by expatriates. But other countries have a symbol to commemorate their war dead in a similar way. In France for example it is the Blue Cornflower. England will have Poppies on their training and warm up kit which will then be auctioned for charity, they will also wear black armbands for the match. Additionally FIFA have allowed a minute’s silence before the game. Forgive me but what the fuck has a minute’s silence before a football game got to do with FIFA?

FIFA are in fact a charity. A very rich and most likely (the proof is out there I’m sure!) very corrupt organisation. Sepp Blatter’s promise to make the organisation more transparent after recent scandals seems to have made everything even more opaque. Including awarding business contracts to companies owned or partly owned by his nephew. Personally I think Blatter makes Berlusconi look like an angel. Even forgetting the World Cup hosting bid from England how the hell did they manage to award the 2022 tournament to Qatar? It’s too hot, has an atrocious human rights record and frankly is hardly a hot bed of world football.

Here’s an interesting recent fact about the charity that is FIFA. One of its less well off members, Mauritius, had a cash shortfall of some £42,000 which meant that they were unable to travel to or organise their World Cup qualification games. How did the caring, sharing charity that is FIFA respond to this? They disqualified them from the competition, probably completely within the letter of the regulations. But wouldn’t the charitable thing to do be to bail them out? After all FIFA are sitting on cash assets in the region of £800 million. But I guess they need that for their next all expenses paid junket or their Christmas party. Thinking of Christmas like to recycle my Festive Fir Tree every year and I think next time I’d like to recycle it by shoving it right up Blatters backside!

It's about time he got a red card!

Having just finished writing this post I have now heard that FIFA have offered a compromise solution; England will be allowed to show a Poppy on their black armbands. What’s the difference between a Poppy on the shirt and one on the armband? Not a lot in my opinion and this another example of FIFAs inept style of management. Should you ever have a piss up in a brewery do not let FIFA anywhere near the organising committee!

Anyway let me wind down the rant just a bit and what better way to finish this post than with a song about the famous football match between British and German soldiers one Christmas during the First World War.

 

“It’s the ideal way to order the world, fuck the morals, does it make any money?” November 1, 2011


This is probably bigger than my own little world view and maybe there’s a lot of it that I don’t understand. But what is it with the Euro bail-out for Greece? The great and good (well not much greatness or goodness really is there?) leaders of Europe held a series of summits to resolve the Euro crisis. Focussing in particular on the parlous state of the Greek economy. In simple terms the solution was that major banks would write off 50% of Greek debt and the rest would be funded through stringent austerity measures to be introduced by the Greek government.

Well it looks like they can't produce can they? A T Shirt slogan on a bag........that is so FAIL!

So just a few days ago everyone was patting themselves on the back on what a spiffing job they had done; crisis over….. for now. Then comes the news that before they accept these actions the Greek government will ask their voting population what they think in the form of a referendum. Now I may be a little simple at times but on this occasion I suspect that the there will be an overwhelming no vote? What do you think?

I think that our erstwhile leaders should have taken a look at the car washing scene in Pulp Fiction before any back slapping took place.Well, in particular the line ‘let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet’.  So what happens next? I presume that Greece will default on their loans. After that who knows, do the banks send in the bailiffs to repossess Greek property. Unlikely really; all their crockery is broken and they lost their marbles ages ago.

But at least the forecast looks good....... actually so does the forecaster don't you think?

Just a couple of questions from me to close this post;

How did these supposedly bright and intelligent people get it so wrong?

If Greece doesn’t want the bailout money can I have it?

So then, let’s get back to music as this is really a music blog, but there is often the odd rant from me. Here are a few songs that I feel are appropriate. Especially the last one of the three from Jarvis Cocker